Embracing Responsibility with Cathi Marcus

intro: 0:05

Welcome to. This Is Source, the podcast that invites you to explore the depths of your being and tap into your true potential. This show is all about inspiring you to discover the power within yourself to create a life of purpose, joy and fulfillment. So sit back, relax and let's dive deep into the essence of who you are.

Agris: 0:31

Hello, hello Cathy, how are you?

Cathi: 0:34

I am well, hello, hello.

Marc: 0:37

So I didn't say this earlier. But the cool thing is you guys are both from Florida. You probably you didn't know that, so no, I didn't know that.

Cathi: 0:44

Where are you Agres? What part of Florida?

Agris: 0:46

North North Florida. Then.

Cathi: 0:48

Okay, I'm South Florida.

Agris: 0:50

So it's quite far away.

Cathi: 0:52

I know we represent the state together. Together we represent the state.

Marc: 0:57

Yes, definitely. And, cathy, you represent more than just the state of Florida. We just to give you a really quick intro we met in a coaching group, right, just that mutual friend is a facilitator for basically just bringing coaches together to network and support and cooperate and collaborate, and so that was really cool. But then we jumped on a call and we had a really amazing hour conversation that felt like it was five minutes, and you've been doing a lot of stuff, you know, with facilitating workshops and now getting into public speaking and just showing up, you know, just showing up for yourself and showing up for whoever needs you in whatever way that looks like for the day, which is kind of crazy, but it's. I guess that's trusting, right, that's, that's full trust, and I think that maybe we could start the conversation with that. What does that look like?

Marc: 1:53

And a word that popped into my head before we got on was the word responsibility, and to me, responsibility is the ability to respond, and it may have come on the heels of what you created last night, which was just bringing a bunch of people together and doing a guided meditation and having a talk, and one of the things that I don't know if you said it verbatim, or if it was just something that popped in based on what you said, but it was basically like you had this calling that everybody needs. These people needed to come together and to be taken care of and to guide them back to their inner self so that they could feel calm and at peace, so that they could feel ready in whatever way that looks, and so so I think to me that's responsibility, right.

Cathi: 2:39

Absolutely. First of all, I love how you said that, how you broke down the word. So that's so great, the ability to respond, and yes, I mean I just when you say that, so much comes to mind. We were talking about this a little bit before we hopped on now about how there's just been so many different areas of my life where I have not been able to respond, where I was in reactive mode, survival mode, freak out mode, you know, and something would show up and I realize now one of my patterns is I would short circuit, that's what I call it. I would short circuit. There would be so much energy in me that I didn't understand or know how to be with that. I would just short circuit and freeze.

Marc: 3:24

And I couldn't do anything.

Cathi: 3:26

I couldn't respond I couldn't even move. I mean, one thing that comes to mind is like my son when he was younger, and you know he's always been very true to himself. However he wants to dress, however he wants to present, he's a real trailblazer. And he would go out in the neighborhood, you know, with 10 boys that are jocks and you know I always knew what was coming and that they were going to like get on him, and you know so he would go out there and then run back in the house a couple hours later, you know, screaming on the top of his lungs, so upset about what they said or how they spoke to him or how unsafe he felt.

Cathi: 4:03

And I would short circuit it, would it would activate his energy, would activate energy that was dormant in me, that I was not aware of inside of myself, and I would get so overwhelmed and then I just would freeze and then I would go into beating myself up. What kind of mother sits here and doesn't do anything when her son's facing bullies outside? You know, the best I could do is I would get my husband and send him out. Please go help him right now.

Cathi: 4:32

But I couldn't help, I was not empowered, and so that was kind of like the beginning of me noticing that I could not take care of myself, I could not take care of my son, I could not adhere to my values. You know, it was a really scary time for me because at that point I didn't know what was possible or how to move from where I was at to where I am now. But I can definitely see in hindsight that that was the beginning of the unfolding of my empowerment. You know, and just like with what's happening in the world, we first have to see what's not working, the insanity, the brokenness, the scariness, the horrors, you know, to get in touch with what are my values and how do I want to show up and what do I care about and how do I get from where I'm at now to where I want to be.

Marc: 5:27

Yeah, perfect. And you know, when you say that, it makes me think that we don't really know if you could get so inundated, overwhelmed and just sort of intoxicated on the amount of like learning you can do on this planet. Right, and now we're in the information age where everything is just everywhere all the time. But I think at the end of the day, we have to realize what's not working in our life, to understand where we need to focus. Right, because you can prepare, you can over prepare.

Marc: 5:58

I used to do this when I was in catering, so I had a catering company and you know, I never felt comfortable or at peace until I had every possible situation or scenario planned out in advance of what could possibly go wrong, so that I could be mentally prepared for. But that meant stressing out, that meant never sleeping, that meant like just doing things that did not need to be done only to manage my own stress levels. You know, you realize like my wife used to laugh because I was in catering for 10 years before I even met her, and she would say why are you bringing your laptop to the event? And I'm like, well, you just never know. You never know like you're going to need to look up, or maybe I and I would bring my printer. She's like why are you bringing your printer? I'm like, well, you know, she's like you printed out every single thing you need. It's laminated. You know you have doubles of everything.

Marc: 6:47

I'm like what if it drops in the parking lot? You know, I don't. I never wanted the client to say you dropped the ball and so it always meant overdoing everything. But but you know, essentially what it comes down to is you have to live life and sometimes you learn from what's not working in life and then just focus in what you need. Because I realized, even with spirituality and personal growth and personal development, that you can just learn so much by so many different teachers like they'll say the same thing so many different ways. You can study it, you can obsess over it, but at the end of the day, if you're not managing your life, from the minute your feet hit the floor in the morning until you lay down at the end of the night, none of that matters. None of it matters. So I feel like when our life isn't working, it's really our greatest gift, because it puts like our blinders on to all the nonsense and all the stuff that's out there and says I need to find a solution for this exact problem.

Cathi: 7:42

Yeah, yes, so when you were sharing everything you shared, a couple of different things came to me. But you know, from the head to the heart is one of the things that I'm thinking about. How I used to live in my head and I think I was sharing this last night when people have profound traumas and they're undigested energetically in the being, then there's a tendency to go upstairs into the mind and just want to hang out in that mind all the time to escape the energy in the body. And then that turns into like right over analysis, paralysis of analysis, monkey mind and not even knowing that you're really not existing, you're not living, you're avoiding, you're going up and avoiding what's internal, which is not living at all and certainly disconnects you from a capacity to connect with inner power to meet the demands of life when they show up. So you know, but yes, we first need to be aware of where am I, when am I living? I mean, this is one of my daily practices is I? I practice being in the presence. I practice throughout the day being in the presence. One of the ways that I practice that is I just notice. Where am I right now? Am I in my office, looking at my desk or looking at you, or feeling the air conditioning on my face, whatever, Am I connected to the present moment? Or in my head in a story and a projection and a regret? There's a million things I can do upstairs. Some of it's good imagination, you know, constructive imagination, but regardless, cultivating this practice of noticing where is my, my attention and then bringing it out of the head into the body, into the moment. So to me there is no separation between my body and the room, it's all oneness. So just being here now and noticing what's moving through my field of awareness is the practice that I use throughout the day, day after day, to really grow that sense, that ability to observe. And this is so key. You know this is so key because you can have a down regulating practices of breath work or different things to like help you deal with the stress and the moment.

Cathi: 10:03

But what I've noticed is a daily commitment to really observing everything that moves through the field and know, and and just seeing it as energy. You know my thoughts are energy, the stories are energy, the emotions are energy, but I'm the witness of the energy anchors me in this presence and this power that enables me that now something starts dancing in front of me. But I'm anchored in what I need to be anchored in that guides my action or tells me don't do anything or, you know, enables me to just be calm when everybody else is freaking out. And this is exactly the antithesis of what used to happen to me I would short circuit and not be able to move. And now what I notice is my son still will have certain things that come up.

Cathi: 10:54

You know, after being bullied, that survival mode is a constant state. You know he. He lives in a state where he's kind of always monitoring and scanning for threats in his environment. Who's going to bully me for being me? That's always kind of there. And then something will show up and he hasn't processed his inner trauma. So then he'll get really excited and loud.

Cathi: 11:15

And and what I notice now is that I'm in such a state of calm, but but also I have this awareness of what goes on within people and why they can't be calm. So there's not just a calm in me, there's a compassion in me for him, there's a love in me and an understanding for what I'm witnessing in him. Even if it's crazy and nutsy, or loud or obnoxious, I'm able to hold a space within the space and I watch him. Just come like I'll just notice what's there for him too. I'll just be like I can see you're feeling really excited. I can see you're really scared. I imagine this is what's going on inside of you. So I just start kind of observing him in front of him and he comes down. He gets anchored himself back in the piece just by being seen and understood.

Marc: 12:05

Yeah, I want to bring aggress into the conversation, but I just will have one quick thing to say. You don't have to respond to it, but I don't want to forget to say it. I love that you say the idea upstairs, because I think that is when we're not trained as children to live in the heart space. You know, because to me we could simplify things by saying the heart opens or the heart closes, right, so open, vulnerable, loving, allowing, closed, fearful, hurt, protective. So if that door closes now we're shut out of that space. And where do we go? We go to the next safest place, which is upstairs, and so I like that idea and so really, to me it's like and aggress and I have talked about this at nauseam Just the idea of like being in the intellect versus being in the heart. But yeah, that. So you brought up really great idea. So, aggress, I know sitting back processing this conversation, I want to bring in and hear what you have to say.

Agris: 13:02

I really like that. You know, the idea about how everyone responds, right, it's just incredible how it can play out. And I really like the idea Gatti you said that really coming to that sense of yourself, of your physical being, because this is how I felt, like you explained, you know, because I think we can be in our mind, in our thoughts. You know it's very, I know maybe it will sound strange, but, that's, you know, it's our spirit. You know, like we can imagine anything we can, we can think about anything. That's our like freedom in a sense in the head and we can use this as we want as well. But if we come really to that matter who we are and ourselves in this body, you know I call it come to the planet Earth and start to enjoy nature, right, so you can actually see yourself in nature and be very connected, like that's like for me, it's like being in power. You know you are like very connected to the planet Earth, to this human being. So you actually start to decide for this human being who sits there right, who you choose to explore in this lifetime. So you come to this human being, to yourself, and say, okay, what does this human being really needs to thrive in this society and in whatever we have to achieve as this, this. You know this one person and I think that's that's where we really come.

Agris: 14:45

As you said, you know, you start to understand okay, I'm sitting here, okay, and because then you start to really take in consideration that, yes, I am this human being who has a needs, who has survival needs or who has whatever protection needs. So you start to respond from yourself instead of from whatever comes in your mind, and because I like how I feel it. You know in our mind and how we perceive the world. Like you said, upstairs can use this word, upstairs, I think people really perceive, not themselves, as they perceive everything upstairs, so they can be messing around. They were, they perceive, so they have to come to themselves in this matter, really to a knowledge, what I have to respond right now, in this moment. So that's why what is my take from conversation?

Cathi: 15:48

Yes, yes, thank you. And again, I just my experience too with being up in the mind. I mean, depending where I go in the mind, I mean, even last night we were doing this a little bit with going to a favorite vacation spot, you know, and going into that memory with all of your senses and you're able to actually tap into the experience that you had when you were on the vacation, even though you're at your desk. Which is the power of the mind, which is pretty incredible. It's just these days. The greatest adventure, I find, is in being truly present, without needing to put anything on top of the present moment. You know that that's the most interesting and exciting. But you know, going back to your topic of this responsibility, I remember I had this woman in my life in early recovery. When I came into a 12 step program, I mean, I was again, I was like in survival mode with six different addictions, just trying to navigate the stress and the fear inside of me that I didn't know how to calm. So I found addictions and distractions to medicate my fear and my anxiety, you know, and even sometimes to like center me, like some of the speedy kind of things I put in me would focus me. You know, when I was so out of focus I really think I was just trying to treat my inner malady in the only ways I knew how at that age and stage of my life. And my life has been about learning about better solutions, better ways than the ways that end up hurting myself and hurting others and end up betraying me at the end of the day. Anyway, so I go back to saying that I feel like in this human Petri dish to learn about this empowerment, which I think is another word for responsibility. I think it's one in the same. When I'm in responsibility, I'm in empowerment. When I can see and this since I left pharmaceutical the last six years, where I was really cornered and put in a position to like let go of that identity as farm a girl and move into no identity more, like whatever coach. But it still was like moving into not needing an identity so much. You know that's why I faced so many things. So so, for example this is interesting this morning, when I met with this girl over coffee, what just happened to me right now happened at coffee.

Cathi: 18:17

Sometimes these days I get a, I go into brain fog in the middle of a conversation. It just happened right now and I'm sharing this on purpose, because after I left this conversation with her, I went, oh my gosh, I can use that. So the universe just right now presented me with powerlessness. It was like, yeah, good, you're talking about something, but now I'm just going to throw in a wrench and you're totally going to forget what you were saying and you're like on this podcast with these other people and like it's really important for you to express what you want to express and your brain just went blank. Oh my God.

Cathi: 18:52

And then what comes up is like all this stress, stressful thoughts, and then the stressful feelings. I repaved this. I thought about this in advance, of how would I empower myself in the face of my brain fog. So I literally thought this through and I was like I'm just going to notice. I'm going to use my observation to notice what's there, what thoughts and what feelings. I'm going to make space and allow whatever's there to be there without judgment. I'm going to breathe and I'm going to relax. I'm going to become transparent so that I can receive what I need from you guys, which is a reminder of what the heck was I talking about or not, because it's not important anymore and move forward. Is that so beautiful? It came to me this whole idea.

Cathi: 19:41

So what I talked about whole thing was about me taking responsibility for the stress that comes up in me when I feel powerless. And how do I shift out of fear and anxiety of performing or expectations or any of that's what success looks like? How do I shift out of all of that nonsense and just come back to my heart, my power, my peace and my love and not even care what shows up next, but just to take care of myself so I can come back to my pieces, like the epitome of responsibility and empowerment is. It's really not so much about what I have to say, what's going on internally for me and do I know how to navigate that so that I can return out of the terror. I still go back to what's going on in the world because to me it's like I've learned from quantum physics that, as within, so without that's one of the things with quantum physics, or that the whole world it's a holograph and what you see on a macro level is happening at a micro level. And I go back to myself and just what happened to me as a kid, what happened to you all as children, and what terrorized us or frightened us or scared us and that we still carry it inside of us is going to quickly get activated when there are outer experiences that create fear. And if I have not learned how to navigate and become responsible, I need to navigate, learn how to deal with what's inside of me.

Cathi: 21:09

I used to be the girl that was like if you would stop that aggress, if you would just stop being you, then I could be peaceful. Like you're just not making me peaceful, so you need to change. Ask my husband, my poor husband for the past 15 years, honestly and just getting better, like I'm always honest this has been one area where I've noticed I have not wanted to be responsible and accountable all the time. I still point that finger, but this year is really. I've been put in a position where I have not been permitted by the universe to keep doing that Like it just has gotten more and more painful for me to try to change him and I noticed that when I become accountable for what's happening inside of me and transparent about it, I start to feel better. So just quickly, on a practical level, what this looks like, even in my relationship of being more responsible is there will be this dynamic with my husband and I would start to feel uncomfortable and I wouldn't even want him to touch me or come near me.

Cathi: 22:08

It was like I was activated in some way and I was working with one of my mentors and she said can you become? She read my book, addiction Lancet, she knows how I can be really transparent. And she says can you become transparent like you were in your book with him, like really, you know? And it wasn't transparent about what I think he needs to change. That's what I used to do. It's transparent about what I'm noticing inside of me, what I'm feeling inside of me, what's coming up inside of me, and even the fears that if you share that way with another human being, are they going to stay? Are they going to be able to handle what you have to say? Are you going to be able to move through that kind of thing?

Cathi: 22:47

Well, I was really really shocked and surprised that when I did that that day, I said look, I just want to share what's going on. I've got this feeling in my solar plexus, I have this tightness in my chest. I'm having these thoughts, I'm having it, and it made way for such connection with my husband and I. I mean, we were just he totally was capable of receiving what I was sharing, because I wasn't pointing or blaming, because I was taking full responsibility. I was taking responsibility. You didn't create any of this in me. This is just what's in me that I'm having trouble with in this moment and so I'm trying to share about it. So maybe I can receive. So it goes back to that formula, that kind of when you open up, you know what's there and then you make it okay and then you share and become open to receiving from either from a higher power or from somebody else. You can get your needs met from the universe.

Marc: 23:43

Yep, yeah. I think that when you talk about opening your heart or living in that heart space, you absolutely have to be honest. You have to be transparent and honest, because the second you don't, you move from the heart, you run back up those stairs again. Because now you have to. You have to use your energy and your resources to cover up your dishonesty. What did I say to who? How did I say it? I have to make sure that I manage all my lies. I don't want it to become a bigger lie. I don't want to look like a liar. So you can't be in two places at the same time, just like you can't have two emotions at the same time, two different emotions. So if you're going to live in the heart space and I think this is a great conversation, because a lot of people want to know what does that look like and you want to go from your mind to your heart, one of the things you have to do, then this is responsibility. You have to respond in this way. You have to be open and honest, and I realized this recently and I was like wow, this is a tall order, because, first of all, I was taught to lie as a kid. So that was number one. So I thought to me lying was a normal part of life. It wasn't about being honest, it was about not getting caught. And I had a dad who had a gambling issue, so that was ingrained in me from very don't tell your mom, do this, do that, blah, blah, blah, blah. And so you're oh, ok, that's how you behave in life, ok. But then when you get older, you realize that there starts to be no difference between a little lie and a big lie. It's like you either a liar or you don't. So as I'm trying to live more in this heart space, trying to understand how to love, how to be more compassionate, how to live there, I realize you have to be open and you have to be honest. And then it connects to your pineal gland, right, if you've ever heard this before. It connects to, so it gives you the ability. So someone says I want to be more intuitive, I want to be clear, visual, I want to be clear, audience, know, whatever. Ok, so you need to learn how to tell the truth, because that opens up that part of you, right? So all of these aspects help you in living a life of love, living a life of vulnerability and operating from the heart space. But there's decisions that you need to make along the way, and one of them is being open and honest.

Marc: 26:03

And I said to my wife one day I've decided that I'm not lying anymore at all because there really is no such like. You could start with the littlest, most benign thing and the king just grow from there. And I didn't worry to her this way when we were having the conversation. But essentially, this is actually a better way of seeing. It is like if I tell a little lie, I'm closing the vault real quick to my heart and running upstairs to make sure that I'm managing things from the upper deck. And so she's like, oh, this should be interesting. She just starts firing away questions and I'm like, oh, it challenged me, aren't you know? But I realize it's not really as hard as you think to be honest and to be transparent.

Marc: 26:46

The most difficult part for me was not wanting to hurt other people's feelings. I would manage your emotions for you by telling you a lie right, because I don't want to hurt you. And I realized that that's not fair to you, because that's like saying that you don't have the ability to process it. Maybe you need to fall on your face. Maybe you need to feel not okay, maybe you need to feel offended, you know. Maybe you need to feel things that you're never willing to feel because everybody walks on eggshells around you. So you don't feel long enough to decide that I'm going to go and figure out how to deal with that. And I said you know the gift of desperation.

Cathi: 27:23

The gift of desperation Right.

Marc: 27:26

You know the other thing I want to turn this over to Agra but the other thing that you said about your son. You know, and you know him having his experiences and you have and you not being able to emotionally handle his situations and catastrophizing his situations and then finally getting to a point where life wasn't working the way you wanted it to work and so you're sitting with that, you're doing the work, and then there's the other words of you that need to be healed. And now you're saying, all of a sudden, you can sit with your son when he hasn't healed yet, he hasn't gone through that process yet, and you can sit with him and allow him to have that experience. That tells me what you've done works for you, you know, and that's like the definition of a good parent and the definition of a good coach, because it's uncomfortable to sit with somebody that's going through uncomfortable emotions, because it could trigger something inside of you If you haven't.

Cathi: 28:19

And that's the other little hack too. You know, before being transparent with everybody about everything, I think what is precursor to that is making everything about your humanity acceptable. That really makes it much easier to be honest with people. But I think the first level of that work is can I find everything about me acceptable, including my liar, including my CI? I embrace my liar now. I embrace my manipulator, my insecurity, whatever is there. And I have to say, just for me, I let all of it be there and it be okay, because that would be too much energy to have to navigate Like I fully expect I'll lie again. I mean, I'm just part of this humanity gig. You know I've got that little manipulation inside of me.

Cathi: 29:07

But the difference is with the awareness piece, I'll notice and then I have a choice of like, do I want to stay in that lie or has that created separation for me in some way? See, I notice now that it just creates a sense of separation when I leave one of my own values and I prefer to live in that, be accountable for that sense of separation inside of myself. I'm the one who separates myself in some way. I'm never separate, but there are ways that I live that I separate myself. And so, when I'm feeling that acute pain, one of my questions, too, is like how am I separating myself? What am I doing to separate myself in this moment?

Agris: 29:53

Yeah, therefore, I like the conversation about transparency. You know, I think one of the ways how we can perceive transparency. If you think about transparency, you know and you mentioned 15 years, right, you felt like it was an ongoing for 15 years of you just being in some sort of that's work or environment. You experience it then. And interesting that this morning I was listening to you know, transparency is if you look from the planet, stand by, I think it's a Pluto. You know it's a Pluto and it was for 15 last years. It was standing in certain position for each of us in different positions.

Agris: 30:37

You know, I noticed in myself, you know, oh my gosh, you know I had that. You know, for example, for me, pluto was in the 12th house for last 15 years, which means really going deep, like going deep into spirituality and just trying to understand what's going on with me, with humans, and I was like, oh my gosh, that's what exactly happened at last 15 years. You know, I was just digging deep all the time, you know, and for my wife was really work on relationship on really deep level. You know, I don't know, you should just take a look at changing.

Cathi: 31:15

I just got into astrology this past year. It gets fascinating because as within so without, and as above so below, is the other Exactly.

Agris: 31:24

We think it's planets, but actually it's within and it's all one, it all makes sense that everything impacts everything else.

Cathi: 31:33

That's what. That's what's happening with what's happening in the world today. I think that's the big message Everything impacts everything else. So you can't hurt somebody else without hurting yourself, and and likewise, we can't not help people by standing in our responsibility and in our peace. I mean, I think it's the number one thing that we have control over. That's going to make the greatest impact. I mean, I have literally decided I'm like I am cutting out these influences that all they do is ship me upstairs, ok, into the, you know, and even when they do, now I mean, and you can't totally cut them out, because that's one of those statements again, I'm not all or nothing, me too, mark all or nothing, I'm just cutting them all out.

Cathi: 32:17

But then the universe throws three. They come through the roof or something you know.

Marc: 32:22

Yeah, sometimes we do, though we're not in charge. Right.

Cathi: 32:25

You know we go back to well, how do I, instead of trying to guard and protect against every situation, how do I just best prepare myself to know that I can be there for myself in the middle of the chaos? You know, there's a couple of the ones that are still kind of out there now, even in the area of, like, self defense. You know, if somebody was going to try to overpower me physically, what I do comes up. Well, I've got to be accountable for that. I'm not somebody who wants to use a weapon. I mean that's just not me.

Cathi: 32:57

So I'm like OK, so maybe I do need to learn to take a self defense class. Maybe that's what I need to do, to feel more empowered, that I have something that I could do if I was scared with someone bigger than me. I mean like so that goes back to that whole responsibility, or asking ourselves I mean this is where the coaching comes in, and the powerful questions that I love so much that's why I love coaching is really more because there's these powerful questions that when we answer them honestly, we can start shifting tremendously in new ways. And it's just like again, where are the areas that I refuse to be accountable for myself, where I want to make somebody else responsible, I mean even for me buying a car. I mean, those sounds ridiculous, but I'm a woman and it's well known that these car dealers like love to sell cars. I'm just women, because women don't know what the heck they're doing in the car dealership.

Cathi: 33:52

My husband's really good at negotiating car deals. So this woman who mentors me, he said asking to teach you how to do a car deal. You know what I mean Like. So that's like a little example, but on a bigger level, like where do we not know how to do the car deal and who knows how to do it, and could we ask them to help us learn how to do it? And then you step into the power instead of worrying about, well, what are people going to think If I tell them that I don't know how to do a car deal? You know, that's just my example, but we can.

Marc: 34:24

But it's a good example because it talks about the practicality of things. And you know, Agris used to tell me how he would get these ideas for something so random that would pop into his head that he had to start researching and he would start like looking into something for no reason, without even realizing why, and then a couple of days later he would come across someone where he needed to be like forearmed with that knowledge. So you have like an intelligent conversation with somebody. So and it could be the same thing what you're talking about you know, maybe, maybe you'll need a self-defense. You know class or how to negotiate class, so that you can be better armed for a future situation.

Marc: 35:08

And if you're a new thing right now, the most important thing that you're focusing on is teaching people how to create a sense of peace within themselves. You know most people don't know what that looks like. Most people think peace within myself looks like a duck, you know, which means that everybody else around you thinks you're calm, but underneath the water you're going like this the whole time and you know you realize after a while that just because people think you're at peace doesn't mean you're really at peace. What does it look like to really be at peace, Right.

Marc: 35:39

And are we equipped, Are we wired as humans to live at peace? You know, and can we rely on our instincts? You know, the sixth sense is like an extra sense, right, but it's actually exactly what we need if we want to live in this space. And part of being at peace is saying OK, where do I have the ability to respond in certain situations? Well, I just got this random idea to take a self-defense class. I just got this random idea to learn how to negotiate better. Well, maybe that's your intuition telling you that these are skills you're going to need for future situations so that you can continue to live at peace. Agres, would you say, that makes sense to you. It does.

Agris: 36:21

It does Really like actually the conversation about peace and gives me a game. You know, there is a beautifully interesting post by our friend Peter Woodbury, who was in the last podcast and he posted I don't remember exactly the wording, but there was like there cannot be peace without justice. You know, and for me it just gave that thinking like like what is justice? You know, justice is like. Justice for me is the balance, it's just the meaning. The justice is a balance, you know, and if you and people think, oh, justice, that there's something in other people hands who decides what, whatever situation has to be handled, you know, and I think like that's where we come. You know, like if somebody who handles justice doesn't know what does it mean balance and energy flow? There cannot be peace, right, so it's just, it's just the question.

Agris: 37:21

You know, like how we can First of all find that justice within. You know, and that's the balance you know we are looking for. If we are in the balance, we will achieve the peace, and that's my take for the peace. And, of course, you know, if you look, if you look, and if you go upstairs right, turn TV, turn all the gadgets, everything, and you start to read all the news about injustice, you know, in the world, and there is lots of that. You know.

Agris: 37:52

Like we can, we can see lots of things going on, but then when you come back, as we spoke at the beginning, when you come back to yourself in this moment and you look around and you see, you know okay where I am at this moment. So what can I take from that place? You know and everyone choose their environment, we want it or not that everyone came here to work on certain things. The only way how we can do it is just really come back to ourselves and find that peace within and spread that energy around, and hopefully one day there will be more and more people who will resonate to that.

Cathi: 38:33

So I love what you just said, agres, about, even and again. A lot of people may not subscribe to this, but I know we're talking about astrology and some bigger things here and I do subscribe to the fact that, now that I'm fully responsible for this journey, that I'm on that, I agreed to it before I even started it at the beginning. You know that there, I'm not a victim, like so. Talking about responsibility, when you take responsibility for what's unfolding, you shift out of victim, which can be, I mean, in the beginning, when I realized I was responsible and I needed to be accountable, I was annoyed by that and I was like, oh man, wait, wait a second, I got to do certain. You know. I mean it was kind of nicer to think there's this higher power and if I just pray, this higher power is just going to give me what it is that I need or I want. When I found out, no, I've got to participate in this, this process. Oh, okay, over time it's like this is great, because if I'm not a victim, then there's always things that I can do to align with that peace and that presence and that power, and it doesn't mean that I'm not going to have to go through tough and scary and awful things. That's not part of the gig.

Cathi: 39:46

And I think a lot of people think, oh, if I meditate enough, if I do enough of this meditation, I won't have to meet difficult circumstances, as if they're going to live in some dimension of peace all the time. I know that I was even one of those people, but I don't see it that way anymore. I see that I'll continue to have the human experience, but kind of like steeped, almost like a tea bag. I'm steeped in a presence and a power. I'm rooted in it Really, like I literally see, like you know. So my human body is kind of like just a little tip coming out of the earth. But then the roots of me. I practice getting connected to the roots so that even if there's a hurricane, my little stalk is like able to stand up in the middle of that hurricane and get through. It's cultivating through being aware of like where am I afraid? This is the one other thing I wanted to share. It's really helpful to notice.

Cathi: 40:40

What am I worried about? Because those are opportunities for more responsibility and accountability, because that's what's stealing my energy, like you said, mark, if I really, because again, I just want to have as much energy to handle whatever shows up organically. And if I'm up in worry mind over, well, what am I going to do about my finances? Or what am I going to do about this health condition? Or what am I going to do whatever it is instead I can go into. How can I be more empowered to navigate my finances? I mean, that's something I had to do too.

Cathi: 41:14

My husband was not Mr Financial, that was not his gig. You know, I was taught like the man is going to provide the money and the financial wherewithal, and that did not have. Those were limiting beliefs and I was mad at it at first and, you know, in pain and suffering over it and make it putting him into pain over it, I mean many moons ago. And then I was like, all right, just freaking, learn about finances, just learn about this, you know. And I ended up coming with a planner who was a great educator and she taught me all about everything I need to know, with the fine interests and bonds, and I could go on and on. I could speak pretty well about finances now and I understand them now and now, as a woman, I feel so much more empowered that I don't have to have the man to be able to take care of me financially, and that all stemmed from a limiting belief.

Agris: 42:04

How amazing that some sort of we call it weaknesses and powers and opening new superpowers in human beings. You know, and actually husband for you as a beautiful mirror that you see what you see in yourself, that what should I take care of myself, you know, and not wait for him to do the thing I told you.

Cathi: 42:26

I wanted him to do it for a long time because that would be much easier and better for me. I could go to the pool more frequently if he was taking care of it.

Marc: 42:38

Well, freedom is a great word to bring into the conversation, because almost everybody claims they want freedom. Right, that the basis of life is freedom. But the thing about freedom is that freedom means taking responsibility. You know you have to do what it takes to enjoy that freedom and most people want. You know, when push comes to shove, they're like, yeah, maybe it would just be better if somebody else just took care of it, you know. And then when they don't, then maybe I'll just go back into victim mode and point the finger at that person, because my life, like you said, would be so much easier if somebody showed up. So that's a great thing.

Marc: 43:13

And also, you know, agra's bringing in, like, are the astrological influences into our life? Is, you know, an interesting aspect of it? Because you know there's, there is reality, you know, integrated with that. Where the planets are affect us. I mean, if you go, if you don't know anything about astrology, just spend some time at the ocean and see how the ocean behaves differently and then start paying attention to where the moon and the planets are and you can see the visual, right? It's like a perfect metaphor of that. Now think of how much water is in our body, right. So of course it would influence us, right. So even if you don't really fully study it, you can understand that there's. But there is something that is more powerful than that right. That's willpower, and we all have the ability to respond to things, and that takes willpower, and so we can. We can be laced in line with all the perfect traits and characteristics that it would take to manifest our mission here on planet Earth, on planet Earth. But if we're not going to step up to the plate and do the things that we have the ability to do and just spend our energy, you know complaining about how the influences around us are overwhelming, or you know the shitty situations from our life, you know took us over and life would be better. You know we have to, we have to at some point take responsibility for that if we want to experience peace and we want to experience freedom. So these are big words that you know you can throw around and and aggress.

Marc: 44:45

I love that idea of you know your response to Peter's quote because you know as soon as he, when you read it, you know I was thinking oh God, here we go with justice right, because the word justice right away has that negative connotation of. I can't relax until somebody finds all those horrible people out there and locks them all up or kills them. Then I can be at peace, right. But then you know there's a lot of different ways to look at the same thing and you just put this beautiful spin on it and you know like what, if justice, you know, and I immediately see the scales right, like in when, when we think about criminal justice or the justice system in our country, it's scales, right. And what does scales represent? Balance, right.

Marc: 45:30

So what if we took away the? Who are the bad guys? How quickly round them up and put them away so we can be at peace? But just realize, you know the justice being, you know a symbol for, for balance. And where am I out of balance? In what I can properly respond to in my little environment, as opposed to globally, right, I mean, there's, there's little, unfortunately, that we can do about what's happening over there, but it doesn't mean there's not a loud, there's not a lot that we can do right here, in just this time and on just this podcast alone, right, because I don't know about you, but I could be crippled, I could be totally crippled in overwhelm, thinking about and I'm sure you both have. You know if you tune into it for the slightest little bit, it's scary.

Cathi: 46:18

I don't have and it'll knock me right out of my piece. Right, the presence within me says we're not going there anymore. I don't need the drama, not addicted to the drama anymore. I used to be addicted to the drama. I was one of those girls who bought those us magazines, you know, and read them, and I remember the day I was like I'm not buying those magazines anymore. I just don't want to do the housewives, I don't want to do a magazine. You know, I don't need that to feel alive. I want to feel really alive off of living, not off of stress and anxiety and drama.

Cathi: 46:49

You know so, and there's a lot of people that will say well, you're putting your head in the sand. I've had this. You don't watch the news. Are you kidding me? You have your head in the sand, like. No, I have my being and source and source is the news I want to pay attention to. I want my downloads from source. You know, like, like a risk, got a download a couple days before something happened.

Cathi: 47:11

I believe. You know, when we're in the piece, we get the downloads. I believe you're always going to be made aware of what you need to be made aware of that worrying prior to that point only steals your energy. So might as well relax and enjoy this moment and enjoy this gift of life, because none of us do know where it's going. But I just made a conscious decision that I'm not going to intentionally be sticking my head in spaces where I'm going to get so my inner child is going to get so terrified from what they're seeing that it's going to be so hard for me to calm my inner child down again.

Cathi: 47:47

You know I've had that already little blips. They're already terrifying enough. Just the little five blips that I've gotten. I'm like how could somebody ever do this to another human being?

Cathi: 47:58

And but I also, just because we have this opportunity with anybody who's listening here, to really impress that making peace within ourselves is so tremendously impactful that if somebody hasn't experimented with that and experienced that, and to try that, because you can see right away in your own domain the rippling effect of the piece to the people you live with or the people that you work with or the people that you connect with, a public's like this piece thing is a real thing.

Cathi: 48:34

It reverberates out into the universe, it's felt. We have that auric, energetic feel that goes out of my 12 feet out around us. I mean mirror neurons. When you study quantum physics, we have something called mirror neurons. This is the mirroring thing that you know. The energy that's inside of you is going to create the similar energy and the people who are in your field a lot of the time. So just by me living in peace without saying anything to my son and him being in the same house with me is helping him more than my words ever could, because he's a teenager and doesn't want to hear from his mom. You know.

Marc: 49:14

Yeah, and I think inner peace and how we respond to things looks different for every single person. So I think we're doing, hopefully, a good job explaining what it looks like for us, but I think for everybody and where they are and depending on their life experiences and how quick they are to deal with trauma, those all factor into this idea of how to maintain peace when there's horrible things going on in the world. So for me, I totally subscribe to the idea that the news in general is there to get you excited, right? The people that run that from a financial point of view understand that eyeballs on a screen equal to profit, and the more people are in fear, the more time they spent looking at those things because they want to be mentally prepared. But then there came this wave of like well, I don't want anything to do with it, I'm going to shut it off, and that's okay. But then Facebook happened, right, and then it found its way through Facebook or Instagram or these other social media sites. But I think you get to decide how you want to respond to it.

Marc: 50:25

For the first time, I was like I actually have no idea what's going on over there, and so when people started asking questions. I was like I don't know, but maybe I should find out. I'm not going to go to the news to get that information, because that's one skewed version of reality, right, and we could have a whole hour show just on that. But I still wanted to educate. I could educate myself on what's going on in the world without getting overly panicked about it or getting into this like crazy state of mind. And then for me, step two was okay. Well, now what can I do? Because I spent years going down the rabbit hole of conspiracy theories and all the crazy shit that's going on in the world.

Marc: 51:10

And then I would have my very level headed wife would come home from work and I'd be like a wreck, like you don't even know what's going on, and she was like how does that affect our lives? Or how does that affect your ability to be at peace? Or how does that affect you know, when the kids come home from school today, how you're going to behave towards them? How does that affect, like, how we pay our bills and we're going to do with our off time? You know what I mean, and it's oh, none of that matters, none of that. Well, it doesn't matter when you're in fight or flight, you know what I mean. But when you're out of fight or flight, yes, it does matter, and you should sort through all that, you know, and I think then you get to a place of peace. So we're kind of going around in a circle, circling the same idea of inner peace, responsibility, freedom and influence. Right, wouldn't you say, Agres.

Agris: 52:03

I think this, everything is the same, honestly, you know, like transparency is freedom, because if you become transparent, you don't need to hide, right, you're free, you know. So that's why we see so many you know people coming out of their closets, you know, and telling who they are really, you know, and they gain that transparency and freedom for them. And we can see all those movements right now on Planet Earth. You know, it's just in the name of freedom they are doing this and transparency. So it's nobody wants to hide anything more or less like not like nobody, but the people will understand that that's the more easy way to live on this planet Earth. You know, and that's really good.

Agris: 52:51

The idea was really like, when we speak about this peace and everything you know, for me it's so important that everyone really have to really define that peace within. You know, like you can, if you connect on that level of that, everything is one and we live as a spirit in everyone. Right, even three of us is one, so we are connected. You know, and if you really ground into that feeling, and that's what happens, you gaining an empathy and compassion for whatever happens, so you actually are aware of that. Whatever is energy out there and all you can do is just not react on it.

Agris: 53:39

You know, like, like Mark you said, you know, like you turn on news and react on it oh my gosh, what's going on? You know, and it's crazy that you respond from your heart, with the love you know, and you're sending out that empathy and compassion to everyone as much as you can, as influenced you are, you know, and like even with this podcast. You know, like, okay, it's not huge, huge, huge, but we still, you know, we send out empathy and compassion, for everyone has to listen and if they will need that, this influence will reach them. You know, and I think everyone, if that's how we influence, that's the message we are sending out to people and more and more people reaching this level of empathy and compassion. More in peace as a society on earth, we can live, you know. So it just we do all we can from place where we are and let's keep doing it, you know, let's keep digging, you know, let's keep spreading this love and this beautiful message. That's what I think you know.

Marc: 54:53

Yeah, and Kathy, I love you know, recently I felt a calling to create groups and to bring people together. You felt a calling in your own space, in your own heart, to create groups and to bring people together and Maureen other people. Like it seems to be that there's a calling that's out there in the universe and some people are responding to it. Most of us don't even know exactly what that looks like. We're just feeling the need to bring people together and I just wanted to highlight, you know that, that, like, if we do want to live in peace, you know, if we do want to operate from that vulnerable, you know, heart space, we do need other people. You know we can't do that by ourselves. We need other people because, like you said, agris, we're all one. You know what I mean. So I don't, unless the three of us are at peace, none of us are truly at peace.

Cathi: 55:46

You know, until all of us can live in our heart day to day, you know, then none of us can and it does make such a difference to have people you're connected to when you're in the vulnerability, to be able to stay there. There is something about each of us saying, yes, let's agree to keep our hearts open, together, together. There's something that's very comforting in the togetherness of the vulnerability, versus completely feeling like you're on your own and the vulnerability is more scary. Right, it can be.

Marc: 56:18

Yeah, I love that idea of you know. You know, because it's scary, right, and it's like wait, but I operate from up here and I know what the world looks like. I have my model of the world. I have a certain set of skills that I've been working on for decades that helped me manage myself in the world, and now you're wanting to leave all that stuff on the side of the river and jump in and go skinny dipping. Yes, I don't know that.

Marc: 56:41

I'm ready for that, and I hope that this conversation sheds a little insight and proof that, like you actually get, you put that stuff aside and you have access to I don't hate to say use the word weapons. So we'll use tools, right, but you have access to tools that are way more powerful than what you came up with before. And part of that is you, you know, like finding that space within yourself and then getting this intuition that I need to start a healing circle where I'm going to bring people together and I'm going to, you know, create a guided meditation and a little and a talk and remind people and empower people. And then, all of a sudden, you know you're reaching out to people that you feel inspired to reach out to, and then people are responding to that, and so now I get to give you sort of my perspective on that in the world, in my world, doing sort of my whole thing, and then I get this you know message yeah, that sounds like something I would be, I feel that I need to be at, without even really knowing what that looks like or why.

Marc: 57:39

Right, that's not about the brain needing to like prove to me, like I need to know exactly what you're going to do, kathy, and I need to know exactly what I'm going to feel so that I can decide whether it's worth my time or not. No, it's just this trusting the universe that we're sent constantly the right people at the right time to guide us on our way, so we can just keep moving further on that flow. And then so I show up and I sit down, and it's an hour and I'm like just totally at peace, you know, and and like much deeper peace than I was at all day, which I was catching flies.

Marc: 58:15

At one point you were like and I had a peaceful day. That's the thing is I it's not like I was. This was, you know, a way for me to get past a stressful day. I had a peaceful day. I was. This was a much deeper level of peace. And then when my family came home, you know, after that and I had a, I really enjoyed my dinner after that.

Marc: 58:33

I enjoyed that I was in a place where I could listen to everybody, I could connect to everybody and it was like so I think that you know, the thing that I want to leave us with is just, you don't always have to know exactly why or what you're feeling called to do. You know, step by step, that when you just make the decision, that you know, when you decide to respond right, that you trust. Trust that it's all going to work out the way it needs to work out. I don't, it's it's. It's a odd and uncomfortable place to be in the beginning. You know you have to be willing to be super vulnerable, which most of us are not right, but when you sit in that for a little while, you realize this is actually really awesome. You know, this is a very different life.

Cathi: 59:17

I would just. I would love to close just by adding that what we've talked about today is what's accessible through peace Like. This is what I've noticed while we've been talking. We have talked about having access to experiences and connections and inspirations and all sorts of things through the piece would not have in the upstairs department, right?

Marc: 59:45

Because the upstairs department is like OK, let's make a list Candles check. Soothing music check. Children are out for the night check.

Marc: 59:54

All sorts of like all the things that we think we need. And then, of course, you know, the universe laughs and is like, yeah, no, I'm actually going to send you lots of other stuff to kind of remind you that you need to find the peace within the storm, no matter what the conditions are that are going on. So that looks a lot of different ways to people, I hope well. Thank you for what you brought to this conversation, both of you Super inspiring for me and just great reminders of the value in finding peace in our life.

Cathi: 1:00:23

So great to be with both of you. Agra is so great to meet you and hopefully to stay connected to you both Definitely.

Agris: 1:00:30

Thank you. Thank you for coming on to the podcast. It's a sort and this is source and peace and love to everyone.

intro: 1:00:42

Thank you for tuning into. This is Source. We hope that this conversation has sparked something within you and that you feel inspired to continue exploring your own journey of self discovery. Remember you are the source of your own transformation and the possibilities for growth and expansion are infinite. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with your friends and family, and don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode. Until next time, keep shining your light and living your truth.