Searching for SeaGlass: Bobby Pellant's Path to Transformation

intro: 0:05

Welcome to. This Is Source, the podcast that invites you to explore the depths of your being and tap into your true potential. This show is all about inspiring you to discover the power within yourself to create a life of purpose, joy and fulfillment. So sit back, relax and let's dive deep into the essence of who you are.

Agris: 0:32

Hello, hello Bobby, Welcome back we are so grateful to have you back, and you're the first one to come back. And there's a big reason for that right.

Bobby: 0:42

It is. I love being with my brothers.

Mark: 0:47

Yeah, we're pumped to have you here, and I know that we'll have a lot of repeat listeners from the first time you were on the show, but we also will have some new listeners too that haven't met you, so maybe we could start by introducing you. This is Bobby Pellant, a good friend of ours that we have worked with for a little while now. All been on quite the journey, haven't we? And Bobby is very excited because she is launching yet another book on Wednesday called Searching for Sea Glass, and it's part memoir and part self-help. Like is that? Would that be accurate?

Bobby: 1:23

Yeah, yeah, inspiration.

Mark: 1:25

Yeah, inspiration. She really does a great job of laying out, which I think is fantastic, because when I wrote my book Remembering your Spirit, it was really a memoir, and what I love about yours is that you talk about what happened to you but then you lay out if somebody wanted to start working with some of the things that you went through. So I think that that's great, because it kind of gives people a roadmap or strategies so they can play around with this on their own right.

Bobby: 1:50

Yeah, because there were so many different modalities out there that I didn't I wasn't aware of, and it took me many, many years to kind of cherry pick through them. Some of them worked really well for me and others I'm like, well, this seems kind of stupid or it didn't work well for me at the time, and then maybe I revisited it a year later or so and then I'm like, well, wait a second, this is really working now. So it was just more of a. I wanted to get the word out there of choices that people have that might help them be grounded, centered, less anxious, less stressed, help them deal with any trauma that might be coming up in their lives, or half came up in their lives.

Bobby: 2:36

So it started out like you had said, mark, as a memoir. I was just going to write about my life and it was all about me, me, me, me, me, right. But then I decided that there was a divine intervention, if you will, and I'm like this isn't for me, this is for anybody that needs to read this book that's struggling with maybe something similar than I struggled through. But then what happens when the book ends? What happens when you've done talking about your struggles? What next, and so then, the second half of the book is like. Well, I'm going to talk about what all the things I tried to help me on this journey.

Mark: 3:14

So let's start with that. Let's start with the. You know, tell us a little bit, tell our listeners, give them a little kind of taste of what they could expect to experience when they're reading your book. Not, we'll start to segue into the how to and the strategies, but let's just start with your story and you can just give us like a little synopsis on like why you even decided to write this.

Bobby: 3:37

Right. Well, so just for your listeners out there, I wanted to let them know that I pre-ordered my book launches coming on August 16th and I pre-ordered my book. It's going to be on Amazon and some other platforms, but I saved opening my package from Amazon until right now and you might be able to hear the cutting of the package. This is the first time for your listeners out there that I am seeing my book. I have goosebumps right now, so I'm revealing it and here it is and I'm going to start crying, you know. No, this is my fifth or sixth book that I've published. Like to hold it in my hands and to have the honor of allowing me to talk about it. It's like such a special meaning for me, so I really appreciate it. I'm grateful for you, gentlemen, for this unveiling. But getting back to your question, so for me, I had a series, like we all have, of adolescent trauma and I had some shameful events that came up in my life. And then I went through a midlife crisis when I was in my 40s. I went pretty early because, you know, I was working on the hamster wheel of life, not really into my spirituality as much as I am today and with this midlife crisis. I went through a divorce after 20 years of marriage, which is another soul-shattering experience on top of all these things, and I was really sick and tired of being sick and tired. I wanted to find out more about my purpose here on this earth and I realized that a person, a materialistic car or handbag, or getting more degrees or writing more books wasn't going to make me happy or fulfilled, that I really had to go in deep within myself and, if you will, I don't want to say fix it, because I think, as individuals, none of us are broken. I just wanted to be the best, bobby, that I could be on this planet and I know that during this time, based on all of these past experiences that I held in my body and I held within my mind that I wasn't showing up authentically or the best version of myself. So I knew I had a lot of great sitcom stories in me because I've lived a really full life.

Bobby: 6:12

I think Agris had said well, bobby, one of these stories is enough for a lifetime and you have a. You know all these stories. So I knew that would be important to talk about all these experiences, but then it be like I said earlier earlier in the podcast, it became much more than just a memoir for me. It became more about a journey of transformation.

Bobby: 6:36

And while the title of my book is called searching for seaglass, the subheading is a story of finding, re-merging and fortifying soul. So we're all born with certain characteristics of who we want to be or who we are coming into this world. So that's our soul, that's our essence, right? We don't learn those behaviors. We're just. It just is who we are. And so I had to go back to finding who I was, that younger girl, re-merging who I today with that younger soul, bobby, and then strengthening and fortifying and keeping that remembrance in me to be authentic, to be vulnerable, to be love and light. So it's more than just a book for me or a memoir. It really is a catalyst for how I show up today.

Agris: 7:30

Beautiful, beautiful.

Agris: 7:31

You know, Bobby, one word comes to my mind you know, I think it's just the beautiful synthesis of your life, you know, and you being a role model into it, not only for yourself but for many others, and I think that whole synthesis, like from different type of teachings in your life, just came into this fruition in you right now, right. So it's beautiful, you know, and I think you always being role model, but you acknowledge yourself that you can be so much I would say, not like better, but just more meaningful role model. Who you became? Right, and me and Marc, we met you, just this, bobby right.

Agris: 8:19

Right we don't know you from past. I'm sure I'm going to read your book and I'm going to find out a little so much more about past. But I wanted to go back to this word synthesis because I think when I looked into many teachings and many things and I think we mentioned that you went through lots of things as well, teaching about yourself and your life and everything, and I think what we do in general me, marc, you we just created our own synthesis of things. We really know the best and we make that beautiful pipeline. You know, just from everything we have and laid out for next generations or next people in our, how to say, in our tribe or whatever we can call it. You know for them actually to receive the best, what we can give, and I think with this book you created that.

Bobby: 9:20

Well, I think I didn't create it as much as the universe guided me to create it. Right, that's how I like to think. I think that you had alluded to a few things. I think that this book will resonate with a lot of people because of societal expectations about people and judgments on us and we, the shoulds and the coulds that we need to be doing, and we're always working harder to achieve what society says we should do and we forget to listen to our inner voices. So if we're, if we're looking for external validation or materialistic validation which I was I think that's where a little bit of my soul kept eroding and eroding and eroding, and I got caught up into other people's expectations and judgments and the fears and the stories in my mind of what the success look like, what is happiness, what, what you know will make me feel like I belong you alluded to, like your tribe.

Bobby: 10:32

I like to call it a soul family. We have families that we are biologically related to. We don't get to choose them very often, right, not in this lifetime, consciously and then we have friends of ours that we choose. We might choose our spouse, but at a certain point in our life, when we're on this pathway, people come into our lives that are energetically connected to us on a soul level, and that's why I call you my brothers, even though we've known each other for a short time, because we're at that vibrational plane that we just really understand each other and nothing else matters. It doesn't matter what we look like, what we have, if we've written books, if we have a lot of money, if we have a family. It just matters on who we are, who we are today and how we are showing up to serve others. That's what I think the book is all about, right? So thank you for just being there and being on my vibration, and there's not a higher or lower vibration. I just want to be very clear to your listeners. It's a frequency that can change within us, just like our moods can change, and that frequency allows us to be more open, to be more authentic, to lead from our heart and our soul, if you will, and just be.

Bobby: 11:58

I think it's vulnerability. I think it's letting go of judgment and shame and embarrassment and speaking your truth, no matter who wants to hear it or not, as long as you're coming from your heart, right, and Mark maybe can speak to this fact, even though launch day is not until a couple of days, I find myself having a little bit of anxiety around it, because I write about stories from my perspective and my feelings and who I was back then, and I have a fear of somebody reading the words and taking it the wrong way or judging it. Or is this too much information? Because I want to tell you, listeners, right now there is nothing I've held back.

Bobby: 12:50

I have got into the nitty gritty of pretty much my most shameful secrets because I think by putting them out there it releases us from the bonds. That has held me back from stepping into Bobby today, and I have to remind myself through some of the practices that this book is not for anybody else other than me. However, it is my hope that it will fall into somebody's lap who needs to read it and that they will get joy, purpose, healing, whatever they need out of it. But, first and foremost, how to write it for soul, bobby, yeah.

Mark: 13:38

I mean, I think it's important because, well, first of all, yes, I agree, I think it will fall into the right hands. I think that there will be people and even the ones that read it that aren't ready to really hear the words. Maybe they'll be triggered in their own way from that lack of healing work that they haven't embarked on yet. But I think either way plants a seed for the future. At some point, when they're ready, they'll remember and I do that all the time because I've been on this journey for over 20 years just literally the spiritual path in terms of reading books and people's stories and things like that. But there are books that I'm rereading now, two decades later, that I'm like oh, that's what she was trying to say, oh, that's what he went through. So it's great for that and then for the people that are ready. I think a lot of people are waking up. I think that the world is changing, the conversations are changing. We're all evolving at a super fast pace. We're, all of a sudden, we're willing to have conversations that no one was willing to have before.

Mark: 14:39

I think that trauma is like a gateway drug to spirituality. It sort of puts you on the path because you have no choice but to look deep inside of you. It's the only way we can get out of it. Once we are done with the drugs and the alcohol and all that other stuff that we realize is just a temporary fix and we have to go deeper and allow ourselves to feel it. And I think that once you go through that and you do sort of emerge from it, you have no choice but to share that story with others. You just don't. I mean, when you go that deep and you do the work and you're rescuing that younger version of you that experienced the childhood trauma and you're promising her a better life and you're saying, if you come with me, I'm going to walk hand in hand with you, I'm going to help you stand up for things that you believe in. I'm going to allow you to have more fun. That's not a one day job. That means that every time the conversation comes up that you're going to hold her hand while you have to tell those stories and share that stuff with people. So you're not just doing it for you, you're doing it for that little girl inside of you. And then you show up to places with family and friends or strangers and they're like so what's going on? You're not doing the small talk conversations anymore because you realize you have a mission to fulfill. Now You're holding someone's hand and you're not going to ignore her anymore. So, all of a sudden, you start having these conversations with people that you weren't willing to have before, and what happens as a result? It starts them on the healing journey.

Mark: 16:07

I can't tell you how many times, since I've started on my own, we're talking about just in the past year, not even the past 20 years, but just in the past year how I show up. If you ask me how I'm doing, I'm going to lay it all out, just like you did in the book, and you're either going to turn around and walk away and be like he's batshit crazy, or you're going to be like oh, you know what we need to talk. Can we go another room and talk for a second? Because what you just said I've experienced myself and I didn't know where to go with that, who to talk to about that. So I think it's important that you did it. It's important that you went through it. You have to go through it in order for the story to be there, and now you have to share this story because it's a gift that you give to everybody else. It's amazing.

Bobby: 16:54

It reminds me of a quote. I'll probably mess it up, but let me see if I can get it. The only way to get to the other side of something is through it, going deep within ourselves. So you can go around it, you can mask it, you can put your head in the sand, you can use drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, whatever vices, but ultimately you're never going to get to the other side of it until you face it head on and, like you said, go deep. But our, unfortunately.

Bobby: 17:27

I grew up in the US. I grew up with Eastern European family members Swedish on my mother's side, northern European and Polish Prussian on my father's side and we didn't do a lot of deep inner work, right, we were Gregorius, we loved each other. We really don't fight a lot about things, but nobody really talked about shame or dealing with problems. It was put on your big girl panties and suck it up. Boys, don't cry, right?

Bobby: 18:01

You hear some of these sayings all over and I think we only with social media. We see all of the good stuff out there on Instagram and Facebook and LinkedIn, all of our accomplishments from an ego point of view, but we're really not talking about the traumas that we've endured, because not only am I holding my little inner child, bobby's hand, but somebody else's hand I can hold that has gone through the exact same thing as me but has never talked about it before. So that's kind of the gateway I'm trying to open up. It's scary as heck, gentlemen. There's a lot of fear based, but at this point I'm jumping without a net, too late. The book's in my hands, right.

Agris: 18:48

Can I add to this? Yes, of course I'm so fascinated about that. You really sharing those biggest for whole society fears, guilt and many those things which actually is not. It's for all of us. It's sort of problem. And I think what you are doing right now you applying direct message for freedom, because that's the freedom, because you become a transparent to everyone. You don't hide anything anymore, you just become transparent person and I think that's the beauty what we people do. And actually I think you call yourself soul, bobby, right.

Bobby: 19:34

Soul.

Agris: 19:35

Bobby, right, yes, and that's actually what souls do. They cannot hide. Actually, they don't even have ability to hide anything from each other, because they become transparent. And that's like I had the lots of readings and also visions that life between lives, when we are clearly souls, we actually that's the place where we cannot hide anything. So we are transparent as who we are. So that's, we take that away, that's skeletons in the closets and everything, and we become who we are. And I think with this book you just like okay, here we go. That's my path to the soul, bobby.

Bobby: 20:20

And I think you had mentioned freedom. Yes, it's so liberating, like so liberating to what you were ashamed of or something that made you feel smaller or not seen by others or not good enough, or all of these self limiting beliefs. Once it's out there, it's like it's out there. I'm so free right now. There's nothing in my body, nothing in my mind that I'm not talking about, and that it's. There's no more stories I can make up in my mind about my life and I think it's in sorry, bad?

Mark: 21:01

No, I was gonna say, do you think it's an indicator of?

Mark: 21:04

I mean, for me it's a message of hope to people, because it's sort of an indicator of where you are on your healing journey, because you have to be willing to do the work and to be healed and enough to put yourself out there and to be that Vulnerable because you know people are going to react to it and you have to be willing to, you know, deal with that right.

Mark: 21:25

And if you don't do the healing work because I remember I went through this when I put my book out there I loved telling my stories because I felt like these are stories that might help other people that are, you know, going through Greish and trying to understand spirituality, but I, like you also, you know talked about, was vulnerable to put it out there. I could see my own like path from the day that came out until today, how much harder it was in the beginning to where it is today, like now I have my book to someone and I know like, just so you know, you might not agree with this right, it might challenge a lot of your beliefs, but go ahead like, have fun with it, whereas in the past I'd hand them my book and be like please, please, please, don't judge me. You know anything like?

Mark: 22:06

this is different. So you've written this is your sixth book, right? So, yeah, you must feel the, the contrast of. Well, I guess it wouldn't necessarily be the same, because this is the most personal one, right?

Bobby: 22:19

Correct. Yeah, the rest were business oriented or, you know, like a little bit of a snapshot and women who empower One chapter of my life, if you will know. But this is, you know, yeah, really deep for me. You know, might not resonate with people, but for me it is.

Mark: 22:39

Right. I do think that you feel more of like the observer now, like almost like when you're reading or talking about your personal stories. Do you feel in a way separate from it, in a way where it doesn't overwhelm you?

Bobby: 22:51

Oh for sure, and you know you saying Going back and reading like the first chapters. I did this chronologically, but if I may, I just want to read you a little bit before I get into my life. The first paragraph of, like a Preface, is called flashback counting, and this is what I said, and I'm observing myself. I can put myself right there and I'm so grateful that I got to this dark place in my life, but yet there's no anxiety or trauma associated with the words or putting myself back on the beach. So it starts. I'm just gonna read two sentences.

Bobby: 23:34

Seven years ago, I was searching for sea glass. I Was in such a dark abyss, all the while trying to gather the fragments of my soul, piece by piece, no matter how small, collecting them like a beggar collects coins, trying to put myself back together after being shattered into a bazillion pieces. That is just the first. I have chills right now. That is just the first two Lines of you know, before you even get into my. On the day I was born and and I remember, I remember days that I'm walking. I live outside of Boston and I walk the beach every single day, even in snowstorms. I couldn't see in front of me freezing, crying, searching for like little, teeny, miniscule pieces of glass to just try to collect because it was a form of therapy for me at that time and Shaking and my, my Uggs being, you know, wet from the water that splashed up and barely being able to make it back to my car because of the snow drifts off the beach, and just Realizing that I had to get out and do this every day because to me it really meant if I find this sea glass, it's gonna help put me back together. Wow, yeah and so. And then if you read, you know maybe if we have time I'll read like the last chapter or last paragraph of my book how different it is.

Bobby: 25:03

And it didn't take me seven years to write this, but the trauma that was still, I was still feeling, allowed me to write those previous chapters and then my whole perception and my whole Cellular DNA and my whole mindset and my whole soul opened up and realized I've always been whole. I just haven't remembered that part of me. So I wasn't broken as I thought I was, or I didn't need to be healed, as I say Early on in my book. I just needed to remember that little girl that was happy, that was carefree, that didn't care about other people's opinions. She was so precocious she would be like I don't care, I don't care if you believe that or not, this is what I believe and and so it's interesting. But, yeah, I can see myself as an observer, but in gratitude, very much in gratitude, for going through that dark place and it's almost like the sea glass part.

Mark: 26:07

You know, as you're telling that story to me, it's a metaphor for you probably experienced as a child and then became who you were as an adult, which is someone that was always looking for something outside of you. Right, absolutely.

Bobby: 26:20

Yeah, and I think that, people, you don't even have to have Major trauma in your life, I believe. I believe that we just become conditioned through our life on earth to wanting to look outside of ourselves for validation, right, especially titles, especially monetary, especially validation or sense of belonging, and we only have ourselves, at the end of the day, to make our choices, to Control our thoughts, to control our decisions, as much as we would like to think that we have control of everything else in our life. We just have this present moment because life is very fleeting and very short and it accelerates. Right, we had just talked about how fast the summer has gone and the older we get, the faster it seems to fly by, and we just have to be grateful for every minute that we have.

Agris: 27:21

That's so true. From my perspective, I see it is that Actually we are connected to, to this one consciousness as a group of many, many people, right, and? And if we, as you mentioned, you know, if we are vibrating in those low frequencies, we are connecting to the, you know, to the fear, to the guild, to many, those, the low frequency product, yeah, and, and, and I, that's that's, and I think, once you realize that everything is one and whole, right, which you are probably going to read at the end of the chapter, for if your book, you know so, then you're like you actually had the awareness and ability to connect to that their frequency which, right, actually we connect as a source and we Understand that the light is one. There is not many lights, you know, and we can shine that light yeah our lives and we become that light and that it's beautiful.

Agris: 28:30

You know it's it's. You know what the remarkable journey and I think it's beautiful that you really made, wrote, wrote this book and Took you seven years or no, no, no, I don't.

Bobby: 28:43

It didn't take me very long to write it once I sat down and wrote it. But I go back to the darkest part of my life, seven years ago, so so I can remember, and when I was writing I still had that trauma welling up on me. I still could feel those feelings. Today, when I read it, I get goosebumps. Like Mark had said, I can observe that person. I know exactly where I was, what I was feeling, but I no longer hold it in my body. It's more of a gratitude for helping me be in that dark place, to be able to go through, to come to the other side.

Bobby: 29:20

So you prove that there is no time and space, even there is no time and space and you know you had said I just I want to let your listeners know that this is a spiritual book. It doesn't focus around any one religion and so early on I talk about soul. But soul could mean heart. For somebody, soul could mean essence, soul could mean light, it could be love. It doesn't necessarily connected to the dogma of some. You know religion you believe in, or it could. We all have different words for the things that I'm trying to express in the book and so what pick, whatever one resonates with you.

Bobby: 30:06

Many times I am a, I'm a former professor, recovering professor. I want to say I've taught business for 26 some years and I was so head driven right so in my mind, about analytics and logic and, and I like to say, ego. Ego is what gets us in trouble because we're concerned about what other people thinks of, is going to think of us, and we get into our mind and we make up stories about shameful events and how we're. We can't get through this or how you know I'm the only one going through it or whatever is going on in your mind and the premise is to get out of your mind, get out of ego, kill your ego. Everybody needs to have their ego die, which I did. I had several ego depths which were scary and drop down into our soul, our heart, our core, our being, our light, our love. And so when we, when I use the word soul, take anything that resonates with you and use that word and substitute it so it makes better sense for you.

Agris: 31:13

But I love your inclusion. I love your inclusion because I think that it gives me steak for humanity is that once, for example, you go into spirituality, you start to exclude anyone who doesn't think that way. You know, and you realize that, oh, actually, I do the same. What, many, many, what's the name for God? But like Christianity or whatever religion does you know, they try to exclude. Actually, not because there is. We are everyone included, right, right, and we can everyone understand from their own perspective. And that's the beauty of humanity, I think, and and I really am grateful that you said that, that you, that that everyone can read as they prefer this book.

Bobby: 32:01

You know, it's not that, oh, there's just one way, how you understand, and there is no other ways To read it, and I think it's beautiful said by you right, and I think that was important for me because I was raised as a Roman Catholic Cradle Catholic, if you will for many, many years I even went to Catholic all girls high college and I got my doctorate degree from a Catholic University and you know, speaking from that premise, we I grew up with a lot of shame. You know confessing our sins and you know Going to church all the time and talking to a priest and who's a man, and you know he's absolving me of my sins and I'm like, well, what about? You know where's God, where's Jesus? And through this journey, I really studied a lot about Eastern religions and another type of dogmas, if you will, right doctrines and we're.

Bobby: 32:58

There's so much similarity between us that the words don't matter on how we talk about source or God or Allah or Yah Yahweh or any of the people that we believe in, or even the people who believe in the Big Bang. There was some type of energy there to form the creation as we know it. Right, and so, yeah, I wanted to be inclusive, not only to others who read it, but it's also what I believe in. So I might choose words here and there, but I want your listeners to know that, whatever resonates with you, feel free to substitute those words in, because we all were more similar than we are different.

Mark: 33:43

I agree, I mean, I think that you can you hear me?

Bobby: 33:47

Yeah.

Mark: 33:47

Okay, good, I wasn't doing that. We can't hear you. I mean, I just think that let's just focus on that part for a second, because the whole growing up in a certain religion you know most of us well, none of us chose our religion at birth, you know, I remember when my son came home from school one day and he said to me want to be baptized. And I said, well, you already were baptized. And he's like what do you mean? I'm like when you were born, we baptized you. He's like why the heck did you do that? I'm like, because that's what we do, like in our you know the way that we were raised and you know, and blah, blah, blah. I got into the whole thing and he was just, he was so mad about it. He was like what right did you have to baptize me? Like, shouldn't that be my decision of what I want to do? And I was so happy that he said that because it just meant that we were.

Mark: 34:42

We were really growing as a family in terms of like, like generational belief systems that were enforced from one generation to the next until we got to this generation where everything stops. You know where, where I was, you know because of my own personal trauma and I know that you can relate and other people can relate to this. It causes you to open up and really question what are your beliefs? You know, when your whole freaking life is falling apart, you know you have no choice but to say why do I feel the way that I do? What's true, what's not true? What do I believe? What did I decide I believe versus what did other people tell me I should believe? And then we're forced to make those decisions. Right, if we want to, a lot of us can just ignore it, but if we really want to heal, we have to look at that, right, we have to look at that stuff. So I think it's, and I think that people need to hear personal stories such as yours because they can relate to it. You know, it doesn't matter if you're Jewish or you're Catholic or you're Protestant or what your religion is.

Mark: 35:45

We all could say the same thing we were all born and everything was handed to us right and so and you're right about what you said before about conditioning yeah, we were all domesticated. I mean, we were all born, these free spirits right, and our soul knew I wanted to come and I wanted to be soul, Bobby, and I want to express and I want to sing and I want to dance and I want to be free and I want to be creative. And then, all of a sudden, you're like but no one's looking at me, no one's paying attention to me, no one's giving me love and attention and affection. Okay, so I need to, I need to focus on that, you know. And then we stood. That's when the conditioning process starts.

Bobby: 36:22

Or or even worse than that forgive me for interrupting you is, I might be getting the attention, but it's negative attention. Why are you doing that? Why is your hair look like that? Girls don't, you know, hang from the monkey bars and show their panties. You know so it was. You're getting the intention, but it's not in an accolade for being free and being what you want to do. It's even more the conditioning and the molding to what is expected from an external viewpoint and anybody listening. I want them to be reminded that if you had a parent because we all said it, I said it a parent or somebody that even says that to you today, it is not about you. They are trying. They can't control or they haven't looked deep inside themselves. So they're trying to control you, but it's really a reflection of where what they're feeling inside. So they're asking you to conform to their standards or their expectations because they're not willing to hang on those monkey bars showing their panties, right?

Mark: 37:35

Yeah, this is what I learned.

Bobby: 37:37

And they're embarrassed for their own reasons.

Mark: 37:38

This is what I learned, that kept me safe, and I'm alive to tell you that this is what you have to do, too, if you want to be safe and stay alive. It's as simple as that. Yeah, I mean, I think that's why we're at this critical stage of evolution, like our entire species, where you know everyone is focusing right now on, you know, the extreme rise in depression, like people are the unhappiest they've ever been since recorded history. But to me, I get excited about that and I'll tell you why. Because it's pain.

Mark: 38:12

Everybody's experiencing pain, and what does pain do? It sends a message. We have to pay attention to pain, and I think the fact that people are like waking up to the fact that they're not okay, that the way you know that what they went through in their life was not okay, you know, I think, yeah, everybody should be saying that, and if everyone's saying that, then of course, everyone's going to report that they haven't been happy. But, like you said earlier, the only way to get to the other side of that is going through it. So this is where we're at as an entire species. We're all collectively unhappy, willing to go through this huge boulder of pain, and if you come out on the other side of it and be okay, yeah.

Bobby: 38:50

And you know, when you go on Amazon, in two days you'll see a little back cover of my book that's actually different than the physical copy and I equate it to the cycles in a year. So I talk about the winter right and the dark, cold crevice of the bottom of my life, and then you know the long climb up and then you know I can't remember the order I put it. You know the fall is first right, because you fall from great, and then you go, and then the spring starting to see hope and almost climbing up that mountain and even though it's painful and you're tired and you don't want to see anymore and you don't want to work anymore on yourself, because it's like, oh, is it ever going to end? Right, it's very hard. And then once you get to that mountain top and the flowers are all around you and the sun is shining, and you know you're just feeling joy and love and light.

Bobby: 39:46

That's the summer. That's the summer. And even if you there's many times I've went through the cycle, by the way knowing that there's summer at the top of the mountain for me is always worth the climb back up and the hard work of introspection. And let me tell you, it's not fun when you're going through it, but I'm so thankful that I'm able to go through it, because many people never do and and you know I'm a different person because I did the work.

Agris: 40:20

Exactly you're waiting for me to ask questions. Of course I am.

Bobby: 40:25

I thought about talking. We're both in that. You know. We're like, okay, you're up.

Mark: 40:29

Yeah, we're both not afraid to talk, so if we're not.

Agris: 40:33

I mean that's state of wondering, you know, it's just. It's how beautiful it is that we start to love ourselves. You know the new version of ourselves, and it's so beautiful. I'm just amazed, you know, and you know, I see you smiling and being happy person, even though you know, like must be so many things on your head right now about the book launch and everything, and right now you just enjoy conversation and have that beautiful energy coming out of you. You know it's. I think it's remarkable. Again, you know, I'm just super happy. We have this conversation, you know, and we are going to put this episode out, actually right on Wednesday.

intro: 41:20

Yay, thank you.

Agris: 41:23

So, people, if you listen on same Wednesday, same day, just go and buy the book, you know, so you can just go into that beautiful from this conversation into and keep that, that state of that energy, you know, and just go in into the book and feel it. You know, I think for me what I really enjoy is that when I listen I sort of feel you and I sort of step into your shoes, right. So, and I can. I can feel that's that happiness you know in you so I'm excited to you know so.

Bobby: 42:05

I think it's important for the listeners to understand that I've always had a big smile on my face, always, even, you know, during my darkest walks on the beach. If somebody would run into me, I perk right up and put that smile on. The difference now is I'm so much lighter and my smile is much more authentic. So we can see somebody with a smile on their face and think that they're a happy person. But until you ask them or get to know them, or you know really stop and say how are you, what's going on? And if they're like, fine, good, what's up with you, that's, you know, a conditioned response. It's just something to fill the airspace. But, like Mark had alluded to earlier, I'll go out and talk about everything and they'll be like some people will turn away and say, boy, that woman was a lot and you know she gave me too much information. Or some people will really kind of get sucked into this bubble and say, well, you know, I felt that I find feeling off too Like what's? You know what's going on? Is you know, is it the economy, is it whatever? And we can have an authentic conversation on what we're really feeling and how we're embodying present moment.

Bobby: 43:23

Because, you know, it's one thing to share your life experience in a professional manner, but I've always, since I've gone on this journey in the last seven years, I would walk into the classroom and the first thing I would tell my students someday is like I'm in a really bad mood, like my dog died, my husband left me, my pickup died making fun of the country music songs here, and you know I'm just having a crappy day. So I'm not going to be my best and I might snap or I might not be bubbly, bobby, right, but I'm letting you know that this is where I am, without getting into too much detail. Right, overshare in a professional setting, and people can resonate, they're like, okay, we're going to give her a little grace, we're going to give her a little space to allow her to be that way and by showing up that way for people and allowing, putting a boundary up, if you need it at that time, just give me, give me, give me this class. It allows the feelings to come out and, before you know it, that our class. I'm done teaching and I'm smiling, smiling authentically, because I'm living my passion and my purpose and I spoke my truth.

Bobby: 44:34

And so, whatever I was crabby about when I walked into that classroom, kind of dissipates through me being able to voice it and get it out to the universe. Transmute it, if you will, not on other people, but just let them know. This is authentic Bobby, right now, and this is how she's showing up and I'm apologizing early. It's not a, it's not a steady state, but it's who I am, present moment. And then, an hour later, I'm completely different.

Mark: 44:59

And don't you think by being that authentic, you're taking better care of the people around you? Because when people don't understand, you know, I've seen this so much with people that always pretend that they're happy, they're complete people pleasers and, by the way, I'm talking about myself to yeah me, let's do me to. I'm not saying that. You know, what happens is the people that are around them. They take personal responsibility for that. And even though it's not our job, you know, for people to make people feel a certain way, you can say to your family, you know, or your friends or your students if you're a teacher, you know I'm not okay today, but I'm, but I still can do what I came here to do, and you they're not like taking it personally. You know they're like, okay, she's just having a day, you know right, and so I don't know.

Mark: 45:46

I think that being authentic allows other, and especially for young people, right, your students and stuff like this. This is a great learning experience for them. Like nobody's perfect every day, nobody's happy all the time. It's total bullshit, and so if you could just show up and be like I'm not having a good day, I mean, I mean that you're failing at life. Does it mean you haven't read the right book yet. It just means like we're emotional beings. Then some days we're going to be in a good mood and some days we're not going to be in a good mood. We still can show up, get out of bed and do what we need to do, right? I just think it's a lot easier when we can just show up and be honest about that.

Bobby: 46:21

I think for me, well, number one it's always taking care of myself first and then speaking my voice so that other know. Other people know where I'm coming from. But it also helps that under other individual by not getting up into the story of their minds and like me, I failed the test, I did bad on my paper I'm going to get a C, I'm going to fit. You know, whatever stories we make up in our mind based on somebody else's energy or how we show up, we personalize it, and when we personalize it we make it about ego. So I'm letting everybody know it's not about you, this is about soul Bobby.

Bobby: 47:00

This is about no excuse me, this is about human Bobby. This is how she's embodying her emotions and the events of her life experiences. That is coming up. It's only through transmuting that physical emotions that I can get back into soul Bobby and show up much lighter, higher energy or different energy frequency and have that dissipate and be like, okay, this is what's important. Now I'm over it. Whatever happened, I'm not crabby anymore. I'm actually in a pretty good mood now.

Agris: 47:37

Because it's not one way straight anymore, I think now and it's not about that bargain. You know, I'm the teacher and the one who is giving energy and you are receiving again, but actually it's, it's like a symbiosis, right? So we, we help each other, we create the space together. So I think that's that's what you are doing telling the truth, your truth, you know, and I and something you said triggered the in two different ways.

Bobby: 48:08

in a good way is when I say it's about me. First off and foremost, that's not coming from ego. It's just allowing myself to create a bubble to feel my feels, to allow me to be human, as Mark had said, and what I'm trying to do is if I'm setting the stage for others. What I'm trying to do is, if I'm setting the stage for others, it allows me not to pass my bad mood on to them, because feelings positivity and negativity. We can feel tension in the air, people right, and we can also feel happiness in the inflection of voices. So many times, if you're empathic, you take that on either way. So, by creating a bubble, creating a boundary and letting people know it's not about you, please don't take this on. This is about me and allow me to have this right now. Now, if it's positivity, of course I want to burst that bubble and give it to everybody out there. But if I'm showing up, not where I should be for for my feelings, then of course I'm going to voice it.

Agris: 49:09

Probably they're making their own bubble as well. They're oh, let's, let's make my own bubble as well. You don't exchange right now.

Bobby: 49:18

Yes, and you know what would be appreciative, because too bad moods only make the worst bad mood ever right. And so if you can bubble your lower energy and somebody else can bubble yours, you can do the deep work on each of you and then burst those bubbles and come together and remember that you know you're not, you're separate for now, maybe on this human journey, but you'll eventually find the source and the light that connect us all together. That's how I like to look at it.

Mark: 49:49

I think this just shows, you know, why this book is so important and why this conversation is so important. Because you're teaching lessons on, you know the teaching us lessons on how to feel our feels right, like how to feel our emotions, and then what to do about it. And I think that a lot of us we're new to that, as crazy as it sounds a lot of us, 40s in our 40s, in our 50s, still don't know what we feel, still don't even know what to do with what we feel, because when we were kids, we were never taught that that was an important thing. It was more like, you know, it was written. I'm not going to generalize, but most of us that is a generation we don't know what that's like. We don't, you know and I see it with clients all the time that are, you know, 40s and 50s and 60s and I'll say, like how, let's talk about this.

Mark: 50:36

Okay, where are you feeling it? Oh, I'm feeling it right here. Wow, I didn't even realize I was feeling it right there. Well, yeah, because 40 years of training right to not feel anything and we're not exposed what we're feeling. And so I love that you're talking about this because it's showing us what do we do? Because I think that's where everyone is right now. A lot of people are at what are you talking about? Like, how do you? What do you mean? I don't feel something. Or what do you mean? Like, what do you mean? It's okay to talk about how you're feeling, you know, like it's, but we have to. That's step one, I think.

Bobby: 51:06

Yeah. So for the listeners out there, I'm going to get into a little bit of professional Bobby here. I was doing executive coaching and we were talking about showing up as a leader and showing up in authenticity and one of my coaches had said that they were frustrated. And I'm like, well, what does that mean? And they could not describe. They described the situation, but they couldn't describe the word frustrated.

Bobby: 51:32

So for anybody listening, if you just wanna Google the feelings wheel, it's a big round wheel and it has like the four key feelings sad, happy, angry, whatever. And do you know that frustrated can be broken down into like six other feelings. I can't remember them off the top of my mind. So when this person could not tell me what they meant by frustrated, I grabbed this feeling wheel and I said close your eyes, don't think of the situation, think about where you're feeling in the body. And then I prompted them okay, so you said you felt frustrated, are you feeling agitated? You feeling ashamed?

Bobby: 52:12

And through this deeper dive into having them have their eyes closed and give up that situation, they were able to narrow it down and say, wow, that's exactly what I'm feeling. And it wasn't necessarily frustration that they couldn't describe, but they could describe whatever word this feeling wheel came up with. And so the fact that these four core feelings that we all just I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm happy, I'm this, not depressed, but whatever that fourth one is can be broken down into 36 or 40 different feelings, and some of them were like when's the last time I've ever heard that word as a feeling before? So very interesting, because we're not taught it. Nobody teaches us about our feelings.

Mark: 52:57

Right, that's so true. And it's like what you're saying is that you're giving people a reason to explore that, because you're saying, like, just saying you're frustrated isn't enough. There's a story in there, there's like that resides somewhere and let's go in there. And most people are like no, I don't wanna go in there, I don't like the way it feels, scary, scary. But all right, I'll hold your hand and I'll go in there with you and we'll check it out, we'll explore it. We'll realize that that frustration, like you said, is tied to shame, is tied to some type of not enough, and so if we can work on that, then we can heal the frustration, like we can do something with it. Because it's usually I know what you're saying as you're talking about that because we feel frustrated with the person. But why are we frustrated with that person?

Bobby: 53:47

It's probably we're frustrated with ourselves because we didn't find our voice, we didn't set good boundaries, we didn't make communicate clearly. Yeah, and then the last piece of the puzzle for that is it's beyond my scope of executive coaching, but I always invite people on their own time to say okay, so if it's a shame-based feeling, when's the first time you felt that in this lifetime? Because that's when your preconceived notions and you started stuffing down that feeling in your body. So go back to the very first time you can remember that you felt that feeling and how did your parents react? Or how did your friends react?

Bobby: 54:30

If you try to express it, chances are you don't do this, you don't yell, you don't become angry, because that's aggressive and aggressiveness is bad, and that's not necessarily true Aggression against somebody else, calling names or hate words or whatever. That's bad. But yelling in itself is a way of expressing an emotion and as long as that other person feels safe physically and emotionally, you have the right to yell. But we have to communicate that it's not about them. Don't take this on. And this is just what I need to do now. It's not how I'm gonna show up for the remainder of my time with you. So a lot of stigmas attached with feelings, and a lot of negative ones at that.

Agris: 55:21

Or I was a little bit contemplating this frustration with you, and for me it came out that when you don't meet your or others expectations, that's when the frustration becomes reality, at least for me. And then you're like, oh my gosh, there's so many expectations from others. As you said, you don't want to be shamed for something because, as you said, oh, screaming is not good, or something like that. So it's all about expectations and there are so many expectations out there and it's interesting. I think we could make another episode about it and just feelings.

Agris: 56:02

Yeah, and feelings and expectations. You don't hurt my feelings, I didn't expect that from you. Like something like this, like expectations. I think so much comes from expectations.

Bobby: 56:17

Yeah, and I think the biggest lesson if I could just wrap this up in a bow one of the biggest lessons writing this book has released me of is trying to make everybody happy, trying to fill other people's expectations and then having me reel it in stay in my own lane, stay on my own soggy boat, paddle myself and not have any expectations of anybody else, because it's not my life to live.

Bobby: 56:50

You know, do my own thing. You know we can ask people for help, we can ask to receive blessings and gifts and we would love if people could help us in this way, but don't come in expecting it, because when people let you down or don't do what you think you can control them to do, we have resentment, we have anger, we have frustration and we should be looking that into us, because shame on us for expecting somebody to do something for us. I'm just Bobby right, I can try to do it by myself or I can ask in gratitude. And if it doesn't happen, I'm also thankful that it doesn't happen, because it's a lesson that what's coming up for me. Why didn't this happen the way that I needed it to happen with this person? Because the universe is guiding me someplace different, and so that is a everyday centering thought is show up for you, show up as you and don't have expectations placed on you or don't place them on other people, and you live a very happy life, hopefully.

Agris: 58:00

Do you wanna read something?

Bobby: 58:04

Yeah, so I don't know if this is the best one, I'll just open it up to one of my last pages. It's second to last chapter is called Soul Remembrance. I am so grateful to have received so many healing boons over these last few years finding my way back to soul, shedding my ego, shedding my shame, my caretaking of others, getting back to love and light, returning to the spiritual realm and to the spirit. As you have read this far, I have achieved this through different modalities, traditional and non-traditional, calling back and retrieving these parts of me that I thought I had lost, to my inner child and to my shadow work and the various other practices that I've curated and given to you in this toolkit. But basically, all it amounts to is a remembering of what I was gifted when I was born into this world and how I continue and how I want to continue to live a soul-driven life.

Bobby: 59:09

And once again I got chills reading it. I can't even believe that I wrote this when I read it to you. But just the difference of being sad and now just being so grateful for that sadness that I've been able to experience, because I have came across on the other side and it will help me for the next sadness I'll have to go through, or the next traumatic event. It just makes us more resilient and just. We need to remember. We need to remember that this is not who we are, it's what we are becoming.

Agris: 59:49

Beautiful, love it Beautiful. I think we can close this episode with.

Bobby: 59:55

Yeah, thank you so much for having me. I'm so grateful for seeing you again. I hope the readers, listeners and my readers will know that this is a heart-centered book for me and I'm just sending everybody out there love and light, Even if you do not buy the book. That is not what this episode is about. I hope that you take away something to find more joy, purpose, love, life and remembrance for today.

Mark: 1:00:27

Thank you, bobby, thank you.

intro: 1:00:33

Thank you for tuning into. This Is Source. We hope that this conversation has sparked something within you and that you feel inspired to continue exploring your own journey of self-discovery. Remember, you are the source of your own transformation and the possibilities for growth and expansion are infinite. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with your friends and family, and don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode. Until next time, keep shining your light and living your truth.