Manifesting a Better Life: Unveiling the Benefits of Positive Affirmations with Rhonda Ryder

Speaker 1: 0:05

Welcome to. This Is Source, the podcast that invites you to explore the depths of your being and tap into your true potential. This show is all about inspiring you to discover the power within yourself to create a life of purpose, joy and fulfillment. So sit back, relax and let's dive deep into the essence of who you are.

Mark: 0:34

Thank you, rhonda, so much for being here with us. We have Rhonda Ryder in the house today. She is the alignment coach and I found Rhonda because we were in the same group and she is an expert in the law of attraction and she coaches people and helps them to find alignment and basically make their life better. And one of the exciting things that the reason why we had a conversation recently and one of the things that stuck out was her ability to understand and to articulate and coach others how to use the law of attraction to help them specifically with weight loss and other things too, which we're going to get into. But I thought that would be a great place to start. So I guess my first question to you is how did you start, what was your intro into the law of attraction and where were you in your life, what was going on and how to integrate it?

Rhonda: 1:34

Oh, my goodness, that is a long time ago. I remember I was a teenager like 18, even 17, and I was exploring all different things because I was binge eating, having a lot of that going on and a lot of not liking my behavior, not liking my body so much, all that goes along with that. And I found Over-eaters Anonymous and I went there and that wasn't necessarily the thing that was helping me, but then I found these other people that started this group. This was in New York, in Queens, and they were in Long Island. It was kind of a long drive, but anyway I found them and they had started this group called Recovery's Anonymous.

Rhonda: 2:26

Recovery's Anonymous and that's for anyone with any quote unquote addiction and they were studying the original material of the people that started Alcoholics Anonymous, which not everyone does Read. Those books, those are books from Emmett Fox. There's all these amazing as a man thinketh, this little yellow book, all these very law of attraction-y spiritual books. We were studying all of the original material. And so I remember the first time I was reading the Emmett Fox book it's Sermon on the Mount and it was something about like you create your own reality, and I was like, wait, wait, what?

Rhonda: 3:14

Like you create your own reality with your thoughts. And I just remember that moment. I was very young and just going what in the world is this real? And then from there it just went on and on into all different teachers.

Mark: 3:30

That's a great. I can resonate with that for two reasons. One, because I grew up on Long Island, and so I would love to know where that meeting was. Where was it exactly?

Rhonda: 3:40

Oh, you know, I was in Woodhaven, queens, and this meeting was in Northport, so it was all the way out.

Mark: 3:48

Oh yeah, that's a good one.

Rhonda: 3:49

It took like a couple of hours to get there, but I went.

Mark: 3:53

Yeah, that's great. The other thing that stuck out to me was that I had a very similar experience when I first found Reiki, and you know. So what happened with me was I was dealing with some physical problems in the body and I couldn't get the relief that I was looking for with allopathic medicine. So I went looking for, you know, alternative medicine and healing and I found this really great healer in New York City and he used to fly in from England, but I would have to wait every six months for him to come back, you know. And it worked, you know. And then I was like, well, I don't, I kind of got tired of waiting for him to come back to New York, you know New York City. So I decided I'm going to learn how to do this myself. And so I found Reiki. And, you know, you start by going to other Reiki healers and then eventually, you can go through the training yourself. But I'll never forget the first like it was a Reiki certification workshop weekend, and it was.

Mark: 4:50

I wrote about this in my book and it was on a Saturday and we're sitting in there and it was the exact same thing that you just explained. She starts talking about Louise Hay and positive affirmations and you can heal your life and your thoughts create your reality. And I had the exact same experience of like wait huh, you know, because I had gone through most of my life highlighting the bad things that were happening. You know, like paying really close attention to what wasn't working out and I wasn't afraid to complain about things. I also, which I didn't realize was even a thing until later in my life, was that childhood trauma. You know that it was. I saw the emergency and everything, I catastrophized everything. So it almost was like a sport for me to see you know the bad and everything. So when I was sitting there that day and she was teaching us that our words really matter and the things we focus on matter, I had the exact same experience.

Mark: 5:48

I'm going to plug in my phone, so that was awesome.

Rhonda: 5:51

Yeah, I love what you said. I wasn't afraid to complain about anything.

Mark: 5:55

Yeah, I don't know why. For some reason I thought that if I complain about things, that we're taught yeah. And then maybe somebody will help me solve the problem. But nobody helps you solve the problem until you learn how to solve your own problems, Right?

Rhonda: 6:10

Yeah, yeah, it's taught to focus on that, and then we start to remember who we really are and then our thoughts matter and what we say matter, just like you said.

Mark: 6:20

Yeah. So, agris, do you remember when you like your moment of like? Oh wow, my thoughts and my words actually make a difference in my life.

Agris: 6:29

I think for me it was more like just arriving step by step, not like one exact moment, because obviously I think I had this on other episodes, when I spoke about myself and I, when I was young I don't know like 12 or something I realized that within me there is already something inside which knows what is the best for me. You know like, there's like or, and I knew it's not coming from my human body but something which I arrived with already into the human body. So I knew that there's something what really helps me to do, be aware of what is good for this person. So it was interesting. But I like what you mentioned about this creating our own reality, because lately for me, this, this being really and Mark knows you know that lately for me, this being like theme of like how, because for me, this like we create our own reality through emotions.

Agris: 7:37

That's how I look at the things, because event can be the same, but for us, how it resonates can be completely two different things, just thanks to emotion. That's how I see how we create reality. That could be the probably most beautiful event, but you still see sadness in it, right, because you are not getting over of breakout or something. So you, you see somebody in love, but for you bring steers, because you, you are so sorry about yourself, for example, could be like that, right, but it's beautiful events, yeah, for it could be duster. So that's how I see this reality creation for ourselves. For for that's how I perceive those things. But how? How do you perceive?

Rhonda: 8:29

I totally agree because in the process that I use, it's called the mallison method in my coaching we start out with I ask the person what would you like to calibrate, what would you like to feel better about? And, mark, I wanted to ask you and I didn't do it, but I'd like to have you experience this process because it's really I mean, I love it so much. So I asked the person what would you like to feel better about? And they will tell me, maybe. Well, you know my, my boss just yelled at me yesterday and it's really been bothering me. I can't stop thinking about it.

Rhonda: 9:04

Okay, so close your eyes and I want you to feel the emotion. What is the emotion that you're feeling? And then they might say, well, I feel angry. Well, where do you feel that in your body? And they might say in my heart. And then we go ahead and like what color is it? Which shape is it? And we transform it inside their body and by the end of the session they get to this amazing, you know, they get to a new emotion. They may get to calm or peaceful, or they might get to like total bliss or insights about wow, we are all one and I this is like not even a thing. I so they, in other words, they tap into who they really are.

Rhonda: 9:45

But I am, I would say, in the business of helping people feel those emotions instead of skip over them. Because, yes, I agree with you, the emotions are creating as well as the thoughts, and you know what comes first the chicken or the egg. You know the thoughts come first or the emotion, but the thoughts, you know, really direct the emotions, the emotions come in. So, yeah, it's all related and we are, I agree with you, 100% creating through our emotions, you know, and our thoughts, all of it together. But really it's the emotions when you, when you get down to it, yeah, it's interesting, and I think it's.

Agris: 10:25

Even if we speak about manifestation, it's not enough just to think about it. You have to feel it, how you feel when things happens for you, and then your body is just like okay, let's, let's get there Right, let's, let's get to that place where I can feel it. So and I think body I think many teachers saying this too that body actually doesn't realize its reality, or not.

Rhonda: 10:53

Right.

Agris: 10:53

Body is just experiencing emotion and for for body, it feels like it's happening now. Yeah, that's why you can train yourself for certain events which will occur one day. You want it or not, and you can be ready. Whatever, you train yourself.

Rhonda: 11:11

Yeah, and that's why, dr Joe Dispenza, dr Aiman, they talk about visualization. Your brain doesn't know if it's really happening or not, and if you rehearse it, visualize it. That's one way for manifestation Feel the emotions as if it's already happening. One of my favorite exercises is a prepaving exercise from the Ask In it Is Given book by Esther Hicks and it's I just write out things like, if, say, I'm going on a trip, I write out how, how things occurred, as if it already happened, and then when I get there, I'm usually always amazed at how things worked out. Of course, it would be better than I wrote in there Like things the universe will surprise and delight you to, which is part of the fun.

Mark: 12:09

Why do you think that that? Why do you think that that works? Just curious, if you in my brain is always trying to dissect things, so forgive me if I'm going to take you off track, but why do you think that even works? In other words, you're telling someone for the first time who's never really thought about the law of attraction or how any of this works, is not familiar with integrating this into their daily life. Why do you think that that works? You know to write down what kind of experience Did you say? It's an experience that you're going to have, or do you write it as if the experience already happened? I guess is the first question.

Rhonda: 12:44

Yeah, I write it as if you know either, in the present moment. I actually write it in the form of like an appreciation, like I am so thankful that when I went to see my son in Colorado and I actually did this and met his girlfriend for the first time, I am so thankful that we connected. Like what I really was wanting was this connection. You know that I felt like connected with her and him, of course, 们. So I'm so thankful that we had such a great time, that we connected on a lot of different levels, that she liked me and I liked her, and I'm so thankful that we went and saw some beautiful sites in Colorado. We went hiking, we did this, we did that. The trip is really fun. So I kind of prepaved the whole thing and the reason why I think it works.

Rhonda: 13:46

And it really depends on who I'm talking to. For instance, like my son doesn't believe any of this stuff. We have fun with it. You know he makes fun of me and says, oh, yeah, you're going to go, listen to that ghost lady, you're going to go. Like mom, that's all BS. Like, yeah, right, show me some evidence, mom, show me some evidence that this stuff really works. He's now 30 and he's still saying that and I don't really need to give you any evidence. I'm not trying to talk you into anything. I'm not trying to make you believe anything. If you're interested, I'll talk to you. But so it depends on whom talking to. But for him I might bring in some science, like Agres was just talking about how the brain doesn't know if it's real or not, if it's thinking about something and imagining something it's going to then go ahead and make that happen.

Rhonda: 14:43

And I think athletes, Olympians, they do this because they know the power of it. But if I was talking to a spiritual person then I would say well, you understand how the law of attraction works. So whatever you focus on, you get more of. So if I go into that trip to see my son and his new girlfriend worried and focusing on, oh what if she doesn't like me, I'm going to go into this or what then I'm going to get more of that. But if I go into it focusing on the things that I want and, better yet, imagining how they happen, how they unfold, as if it's already happening or it's happening in the moment, then I am using my imagination for things that I actually want.

Mark: 15:28

Right, yeah, that's, that's a great answer that makes sense to me. It's really what it comes down to is your imagination and and already deciding how you feel about the outcome of a situation, or just in general, right, and then using your imagination to to behave as if that is already happening, before the evidence is even there to prove that right. So, and I'm imagining like the flip side of that could be something like if you, if you read a text message, right, and it's sort of like you know you're feeling a little insecure that day, or something like that, and you interpret that text message in such a way where it seems like maybe an attack on you, or like you know what I mean, like you're feeling a little bit uneasy about what they said. If you felt good about who you were and you felt good about the relationship and you feel you know we're like high enough on the emotional scale, right, then you would interpret that totally differently, right? If you were feeling down on yourself and you were feeling insecure, you were feeling insecure in the relationship, then you would interpret that to mean something harmful. And that really kind of depends on your model of the world, sort of how you see the world and sort of how you feel about yourself. And then you sort of like use that as the playing ground for how you interpret everything that's going on around you.

Mark: 16:49

So you went into that situation with your son's girlfriend, like with the belief and the intention that it's going to be wonderful. We're going to find things to connect about. You know, I feel good about this. I'm hopeful, I'm excited. There's going to be lots of things to do. And then so putting yourself into that situation and you're creating opportunities for that to unfold, versus, like imagining if you went in there with a chip on your shoulder right, like I don't add to another one of my son's girlfriends, this is going to be great. I can't wait to see what this one has to bring. You know, then you're going to go in and you're going to create an opportunity for that kind of an interaction. So I don't know, do you see how that fits in a little bit maybe with what you're saying?

Rhonda: 17:32

Yeah, and I always say that whenever you're doing this kind of an exercise, you want to make sure that it feels good. And you're in the present moment when you're doing it. Like if I were to write something like, oh, we become besties and she moves here, they move here to Asheville my mind would go, yeah, right, Like I don't know if that would happen. So I want to make sure that I'm writing things that feel good to me. It's all about to go back to Agris's, but how does it feel as I'm writing this statement? How does it feel If it feels like it's too far reaching, like I don't buy it, then no, don't write that. Right. Something else that feels good that I can actually line up with when I'm doing any kind of visualization or teaching my groups through this exercise. Yes, we want that is a very important point to make sure that really feels good, whatever you're imagining in the moment.

Rhonda: 18:36

In the moment, because all your power is in the present moment and to your point. You know if you get a text and you feel bad about it or something like that, just to know that that's okay too, Like all the emotions are, there's no right or wrong, like you and I were talking in the pre chat. There's no right or wrong. All of the emotions are not bad or good, they're just like. Like, just notice what you're feeling and just see if you can think about a feeling thought and move you know a feeling, thought and move yourself up the vibrational scale. And if sometimes it's like, no, I'm just going to, I'm just going to be angry for a little while, I choose, like you have a choice every moment and there's nothing wrong with any of the emotions.

Mark: 19:24

Yeah, agra says that to me all the time.

Agris: 19:30

I'm not about the present moment, because and that's my belief, you know, that's my perspective and truly believe that we are that sort of creator, as you said, of reality through present moment, because they're past and present and future where we meet at the present moment it's just and and we become the creator because we sort of predict the future and also we can look at the past. So I, like that we have, we can predict only emotionally, because we don't want to add expectations, because this is what I, you didn't say exact those words when you said, oh yeah, she's going to move with me and you know. So you, you start to put some sort of expectations, or you want to create events, but we don't create events because we, all we try to do is just adjust emotional state of being. So you, you just coming in with the most beautiful emotional intention, without wanting to put in expectations.

Agris: 20:48

That's how I think that there's very big difference, because you can expect whatever you want to expect and if it's not meeting your, your, your expectations is usually goes into frustration. But if you just try to adjust your, that state of emotion that you are coming, coming building fully from the most loving place into that meeting, just to be open and create connection, as you said, because you didn't came with that. Oh, so worried, how you know. I think just this really change everything. What?

Rhonda: 21:29

I think what you're talking about is there was no attachment. I did have some expectation, you know, to have good time to connect, but I wasn't attached to the outcome because, let's face it, I'm I'm doing this exercise because I would like to have a good time, I would like to experience this connection. So there, on some level, there is some expectation. But if I'm attached to it, like this has got to happen, or if this doesn't happen, oh my gosh, like I know to let go of whatever happens. Like I know whatever happens happens and it'll be. It'll be a journey and an adventure and it'll surprise and delight me and there might be some contrast, you know, like, because that's part of being human. But, yeah, to be attached to the result, like it sounds like you were alluding to, like when you have that, like I've, I really want this and this is got to happen, like I got to make this happen, yeah, that's where you get into some trouble, some emotional discord.

Agris: 22:38

But if that happens and it happens many, many times right, but if that happens, so what's your best advice? So, how to? Okay, we are creating that from the most loving place, what we want to experience, but if that experience completely is opposite because it's not that we are only ones who are creating events, right, because there are many other aspects of it.

Agris: 23:08

So, and if there is disaster, right, it's like you arrive, it's a disaster, not particularly your events, which happen and then because I stood that you connect and connected and everything's beautiful, but like client comes and say you know, like I do everything you say and I still coming to whatever, to my parents, house or to my friends, and I still getting trapped into those very bad emotional state and something triggers me. So how you would say they should approach it.

Rhonda: 23:44

Yeah, yeah, well, this is real life, right, and I that had. Of course that happens and usually relate it back to myself, where I would focus in word as much as I can and realize that I cannot change that other person. I can only control how I'm feeling. So I might find a place where I can go and just, you know, breathe, take three big breaths. That helps me connect, just find my center, find my alignment. And if I'm with people who are, maybe they're in a lower vibration, maybe they're arguing, maybe whatever, just like you can, you can be present, you can just practice just being present with them. Or maybe they just want to hear somebody, I mean, they want someone to listen to them and I might just like, wow, isn't it so cool if I could not be triggered and just sit here and just be present to them? Or maybe I did get triggered, like before I would feel like I had relapsed emotionally if I got triggered or if I reacted, you know, and said something that wasn't so nice to somebody that was attacking me. And now it's, it's a little, I'm a little bit easier on myself and like it's not the end of the world. These are. I'm still human, I'm still in this physical universe. So that means there's there's just more and more and more for me to experience. So these things are not the end of the world. I believe that it's about practicing your alignment. So these things are not happening by you know, by accident or randomly. They're happening for you, everything is happening for you. So just knowing that and knowing that, okay, I'm in this situation right now. The most important thing for me and what I teach is making alignment my number one priority. So how can I get back into alignment, no matter what's going on around me, as soon as I possibly can, and if I'm not in alignment right now, that's okay too, it's all okay.

Rhonda: 25:59

But you know, just the other day I had my daughter my 26 year old daughter lives with us and we had a thing and she I triggered her, she treat, then she triggered me and I I just looked at her, I breathe, and I said I really don't want to argue with you, I don't really want to argue with you. You know, I said what I needed to say, but I don't want to argue with you. And then that was it. Like it could have gone, you know, one of 20 other different ways that didn't look so pretty and that was really great for me to just go okay, that's it. And then the next day I just, you know, patted her on the back. I said I'm sorry for that thing. I said, and she said I'm sorry for that thing. I said too Okay, no, done. So you don't make yourself wrong if you get into it and just get back into alignment. If, when you make alignment your number one priority, it really changes your life.

Mark: 27:01

Yeah, and that was a perfect example, because, you're right, it is real life and we can study this till we're blue in the face and we can talk about it and we can teach it, but we do. We find ourselves, we're human beings and we're interacting with other human beings and these things are bound to happen. But what I hear you saying is that when you practice this, this getting into alignment as much as you can right, Making it a priority, then when you find yourself in these situations, instead of reacting to what's going on, you create a gap or a space where you can take a deep breath and respond the way you wanna respond, and sometimes that's you know what. I don't wanna fight and I've used that with my kids and with my wife too because sometimes you just get into it and it starts to build up steam and then you stop yourself and you go wait a second. I already know that this, what we're upset about, is not even related to what we're fighting about. I also know that if we continue this fight, we're gonna just keep, it's gonna keep escalating and it's just gonna get worse and worse. We're both gonna feel terrible, you know, and we're both gonna punish ourselves and suffer unnecessarily, and sometimes all it takes is just to say, like you said, I don't wanna fight with you, and then the other person, hopefully, will be like, yeah, actually I don't wanna fight with you either, and then you can go and cool off in your separate corners and then you know, and then get back to it.

Mark: 28:22

I think that that's a practical tool that makes a lot of sense, that people can integrate into their life for sure. But I wanna know for someone who's you're introducing this to for the first time. You know, like what's the best way. So pretend for a second that I am brand new to the concept of law of attraction, and so people that have maybe been listening now for the past half an hour they're intrigued, but they still don't really know what we're talking about, right? So can you just like explain to me what is the law of attraction and then sort of like, how can I use it in my daily life?

Rhonda: 28:55

Yeah. So basically, well, first I would make sure they were open to it. You know, I would just feel them out a little bit, but if they were open to it that they're asking, you know that they're actually wanting to know. Basically, law of attraction is so simple. It's so simple that we often can't like believe that it's simple, that it's just like. What we have already said is that our thoughts and our emotions create, attract the experiences that we experience.

Rhonda: 29:29

So if we are thinking about crime and we're watching the news all the time and they're talking about crime, then you know, yeah, that you might not want to do that because you might attract something similar. But if you're thinking about I want to have fun, I want to have more fun, I want to enjoy my life, how can I do that? Then you might attract more fun things. Somebody might call you up and say, hey, do you want to go to the amusement park or do you want to go for a hike? So, whatever we're constantly creating, we are all creators. We often think that things are happening to us, like outside of us, and then happening to us and we have no control. But what if we are the creators and if we are all like, not separate from, like I'm not separate from you, separate from you, like we are all one and we are all cooperative components like creating this all. And I am the screenwriter of my own movie and I am writing it with my own thoughts and my own emotions and I am a magnet and I'm attracting those things into my life through my thoughts and my emotions. Therefore, wow, if that's really true, then maybe I want to pay attention more to what I'm thinking and feeling, because if I keep thinking about that ooh, I don't want more of that If I keep worrying about money, then I'm gonna attract more experiences where I'm worried about money.

Rhonda: 31:11

If I keep thinking about how I don't have a partner, a romantic partner, in my life, I might attract more loneliness. What if I just think about and feel the things that I want to experience? Or you could even just not think about those things at all. You don't have to think about the things that you want. That's the other thing is, you don't have to focus on them. Like, your higher self knows what you want. It remembers everything you want.

Rhonda: 31:43

So if thinking about money brings we call it like a wobble in your vibration, makes you feel not so great. Then you don't have to think about money at all. Think about something else. Think about your puppy, think about your niece, think about something that makes you feel good, because you do not have to think about the thing. You'd be surprised, like how you can have a manifestation, if you will, by not thinking about it, just by thinking about something that makes you feel good. The name of the game is just feel good. How can you feel good? Moment by moment, we'd make like after this call, like I might have a two hour break, I think, before my next call. So what do I want to do with these two hours? And I might just sit and say I feel like taking a walk, or I feel like writing an email, like I'll feel into it as opposed to before, when I would like force myself to do stuff just because it's on my to-do list.

Mark: 32:41

Yeah, I'm glad you brought that into the conversation, because we talked about that, you and I, the last time that we spoke, and I think that's a huge part of it, and Agris and I used to have this conversation a lot too and it's really the difference between just like trying to force yourself to take certain action and like having all these expectations of how things are supposed to work out and trying to fit as much as you can. Okay, I have two hours. What's the maximum amount of things that I can do? What if you didn't like? What if you had that two hours and you gave yourself the opportunity to literally just allow yourself to be inspired, you know, to what you want to do? And what if part of that was doing absolutely nothing, like literally just sitting there?

Mark: 33:23

and taking a two hour pause in your life and just like noticing what's around you, looking out the window, noticing things that are in your room, just like mentally taking score of the things that you can appreciate, things that you're grateful for. You know, we don't make any of those things a priority because society tells us that that doesn't fit into the top 10 things that makes a person successful. You know you won't find that on the list, you know.

Rhonda: 33:50

So I'm glad that you bring that in. It's so funny that I love that conversation because I used to be to do list person so much on that and just plow through it. I did not think that doing nothing was productive, but now I really get that having fun and doing nothing is so productive yeah it is, and it leads to exactly what you're talking about, which is just overall feeling better.

Mark: 34:19

You know, it's just it's training your mind to feel good with whatever's going on, even when nothing exciting is going on, right? So, you know, when I was studying the human design stuff Agres that you were sending me, it was all about taking a pause and making sure that you're being present and paying attention to what's going on around you, and the one thing that he was saying was when you pull up to a red light instead of, you know, picking up your iPhone to see if you have any text messages or fumbling around, you know on social media because you have what? Two minutes before the light turn screen that you just literally sit there and you thank the universe for giving you that pause, because that's what it was. It was a gift from the universe for you to take a deep breath, relax for a second, notice everything that's going around, you know. And so fast forward to.

Mark: 35:10

I was on a coaching call with a client and she was trying to read me a text message that somebody had sent her because she wanted to talk about it and she couldn't find the message that she's thumbing through her phone trying to find it and she's getting all like frustrated and she's apologetic to me. I'm so sorry, you know, I should have had this ready, blah, blah. But my mindset from based on what we're talking about here was oh, this is another gift from the universe, like while she's looking for that text message that I get to just sit here like take a deep breath and notice what's going on around me. So, by default, that put me in a good mood, like I was like, yeah, take all the time you need. Like this is a little gift for me. So I think that's kind of what you're talking about.

Rhonda: 35:51

Yeah, I just interviewed someone on my podcast who did a 12 month experiment of just having fun, Because fun is like the highest vibration, one of the highest vibrations. So he just spent 12 months just having fun and I decided I'm gonna do that too, because I give my permission, give myself permission to just have fun, so I'm having more fun. I'm saying yes, more right the year of saying yes, like you want to do this. A lot of times I would say no, I've got to work on my podcast, I've got to do this right. So just, he did this and he's gonna write a book about it and everything.

Rhonda: 36:34

Just, really, he got so much of what he wanted, like just the lifestyle and everything just opened up the floodgates to what he really. Just by having more fun and being in the moment. Anytime you can just like I'm always bringing myself, even in this interview, like bringing myself back to the present moment, Like I'm thinking like, oh, Mark just said that, or Agra just said, oh, I want to come back. You know like, okay, bring yourself back to the moment, Because that's where it's at.

Mark: 37:08

That's the present, that's the gift.

Rhonda: 37:10

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Mark: 37:15

I was going to give Agra a second to turn in. That's why I was pausing for a second.

Agris: 37:23

I really like this. I think there is this, one of the as you said, mark, one of the conditionings in us, in human beings, that sleeping means doing nothing, right, but during the, or spending time in the bed. There was this. Another day there was this joke, you know like I spoke with Mark and I was like somehow I don't agree that just staying in the bed is not productive, because we had another conversation somewhere else, because we spoke about, you know, that events are going to come, we want it or not. We just have to get emotions into those events. That's all it matters how you integrate your emotions into events. And there was like, oh, but if I choose to stay in bed and do nothing, events probably will not arrive. And for me, for me was like no, I think it's already event, right, you spend time in bed. And I was joking to Mark. You know like, I even created two kids of mine. You know, spending time in the bed it's very, it's a place, you know, yeah, yeah, it's all about perspective.

Mark: 38:42

Yeah, it's all about perspective.

Rhonda: 38:44

Yeah, that's. I think there's less three years for me have really helped me to get that finally, that it is because I'm a Capricorn, I just want to work a lot, and so for me to have more fun is like sometimes work is fun. Well, I mean, hopefully it's fun, right, because, like yesterday, I just wanted, I'm like, what do I want to do? I want to work, so I'm going to take advantage of that burst of focused energy that wants to do this. And then some days it's like, well, I don't want to work.

Rhonda: 39:15

Or sometimes there's a lot of days in a row and I say work because there's no better, you know, lack of a better word. But I want it to be play, I want it to be fun when I'm quote, unquote working. And sometimes I really don't have a problem doing lately, doing nothing, like just, you know, sitting in this office looking out the window at the trees, or we're just, you know, binging on a show, if that's what I want to do, whatever, like we're just sitting here in quiet, I like that too. And now I don't really have a problem doing nothing, and I do because it's about vibration. So if it feels good to just sit and do nothing. You are being productive because your vibration is raising and that's where all of the creativity is is the higher you go on your vibration, that's you know, your creativity is a lot, and then you just be surprised and delighted like.

Rhonda: 40:12

Oh, while I was sitting there doing nothing, you know, I made a sale or I got a new client or someone asked me to be on a podcast, or wow, I was doing nothing, not even necessarily looking at outcomes or results. Like it doesn't have to be related to that was all about coming back to how you feel. I totally agree with that, because that's how can gauge your alignment. Like, am I feeling good? That's where alignment is feeling good, so you get want to get back to that as soon as you can, and when you're not, that's okay too.

Mark: 40:46

Right, yeah, and the whole concept. I mean it just always it's sense to me, but I see how it shows up in my life over and over again, just how, whatever I decide to focus on, all of a sudden like things start clicking into place. I start getting phone calls or emails or run into people that connect me with somebody else and some other type of connection where it lines up like how whatever I was thinking about can become something for me. So I wrote my book, probably almost 13 years ago, and I started thinking I really have to finish my second book. It's all over the place, I really have to tie it together and blah, blah, blah.

Mark: 41:26

And then one day I had this thought it was like you didn't even give your first book its chance. You didn't even fall in love with your first book. You didn't allow yourself to really have that full experience for lots of different reasons. So I was like, all right, I'm going to play around with that, I'm going to see where it goes with that, and so just in this work with the podcast and my coaching and creating content for social media and stuff like that, I've been bringing in the book more into the conversation, and yesterday I had a really busy day and then I had to race to go pick up, take my kids to the doctor. And I'm coming home and I hit play my voicemail messages and it's like there were three voicemail messages from three different publishers interested in purchasing the rights to my book, because I own the rights to my book.

Mark: 42:16

Where did that come from? So my daughter said, like are you soliciting these people? I'm like, no, not at all. I've just been thinking. I wanted to like bring some new life into this book because I've been recently. People have been saying how helpful it was or how much they enjoyed it. So I'm like I need to. And then what do you think happens? All of a sudden you start to get the. So that's, I had to say that because that you know, that's proof, that's, that's validation that this stuff is a real thing and it works.

Rhonda: 42:43

You know congratulations, by the way, on three publishers calling it Wow yeah. Yeah, and that's how it works, yeah.

Mark: 42:55

That is. That is yeah. My daughter said to me well, are you going to, are you going to accept that? And I was like, oh, I don't know. Like to me that wasn't even the important. Yes, like I was, just I more got a kick out of the whole thing, you know. Like it just was like, oh, wow, look how that works. Exactly Years ago I had an internet business.

Mark: 43:16

I used to sell retail cooking supplies right on the internet and what used to blow me away was I wouldn't have a sale for like 20 hours and then I would have like eight sales within like 20 minutes or something like that, and they were from all different people, like around on the United States or around. You know, we didn't ship out of the country, so it was all. And it was like how do? They always came in clumps, which made me feel like there must be some sort of electrical grid. And then when something like fires, it's attached to like like a neural network and it's attached to other people or other things somehow and it like inspires or like encourages other people to make, it just was always weird. I could never understand where that was coming from, because it was never, never had anything to do with what I was putting into it. It was something beyond really though.

Mark: 44:05

I know it would be your energy.

Rhonda: 44:11

I mean, yeah, your energy?

Mark: 44:13

Yeah, I'm not actually. No, I don't know. You're right, it was too far back for me to remember. If maybe I was just in a good mood that day or something like great happened, that's a great, that's a good point.

Rhonda: 44:26

Yeah, you ever noticed that was that I wasn't able to.

Mark: 44:29

I didn't like take out a specific ad on Google that day that.

Rhonda: 44:33

There was an action we're so yeah, we're so used to relate it to action, like, and we think it's an action journey, but it's, it's a vibrational journey, it's an inner journey. So you, I would guess, I would take a guess that you were vibrating higher. You weren't even thinking about it or you weren't worried about it. You were just feeling good and bam, yeah, no zone.

Mark: 44:55

Yeah, you're probably right, makes me want to play around even more with it. But you're right, at the end of the day comes down to you, even if you don't really understand what's happening right on the science. Scientific level, if you just play around with, you know making Making a priority, feeling good in the present moment as much as possible. Things are just gonna work out in general right, so you can worry about taking score later.

Rhonda: 45:24

Yeah, I'm that's like. The first step in my book is alignment, alignment, alignment, alignment. Yeah, that's yeah, the whole game, yeah yeah, and you're and your.

Mark: 45:36

Your website is delicious alignment and I promised that we would talk a little bit about food and and the law of attraction, so I know we're coming up on the hour. Would you mind if we could just dive into that briefly and specifically? I want to know for people that are have been struggling with their weight for a long time, have tried like lots of different types of diets, have been up and down, yo-yoing, and what worked for you and what's worked for your clients that you could share.

Rhonda: 46:07

Yeah, I do want to say that now, focused on helping women and men love their bodies at any size, I really don't focus on weight loss so much anymore because I think that fees into the whole diet culture, which probably created Problem in the first place. So I focus on helping women love their bodies and love their food, because when you begin to Love your body and and food is no longer the enemy or you're no longer so afraid of food, you begin to celebrate food. Begin to find something, even if it's, you know, I. I like my eyelashes, you know. Find something you like about your body. Start to find something. You know that and focus on that. So we use the law of attraction to focus on Things that make us feel good. Some women can't even find something they like about their bodies. That's where they're at. So I Might suggest focus on again. You don't have to think about your body. Then think about something else that Makes you feel good. Think about your little kitten or you know the, the art that you're creating, whatever it is. So it's a lot of women that come to me. You know they've been Dining for decades and now they, they're just like I don't. I just don't want to live this way anymore. I want to. I just want to be comfortable in my body. I just yes, I still some of them want to lose weight, but by getting in alignment things start to work themselves out and Without even trying, like even someone maybe has an issue with drugs or or something else. It's all about alignment and the more you begin to practice that, more and more and more your vibrational Frequency feeling better, feeling better For me.

Rhonda: 48:11

You know I was a binge eater and so the more I practice this stuff, then eventually I learned I I didn't necessarily need to do that anymore. I learned how to soothe myself, like if I ate something, and that usually I would beat myself up over. Then I would call my coach and she say how you doing? I said, well, not too great, I just ate, like all this rice pudding, and it wasn't even my rice pudding, it was somebody else's in the fridge. I feel so terrible. And she would say so what? Did you enjoy it? I?

Rhonda: 48:49

think what like, and then I say, well, yeah, I did so. She taught me how to not beat myself up anymore about it. So eventually, because it's really the, the self-hatred and the beating yourself up and all those negative thoughts that is the quote-unquote problem Wow, the behavior like we. I don't focus on behavior modification Because as you begin to soothe that, those negative feelings about yourself, then the behavior you don't need to do it, self-medicate with it anymore starts to dissipate.

Mark: 49:24

Yeah, that makes really a lot of sense.

Mark: 49:27

Have to say and you know, it sort of correlates to something that I learned recently and you and I talked about this in our last conversation, but just to share with our listeners that we all have parts of ourselves that are not okay. You know from childhood trauma, from just traumatic experiences throughout our life, and that could really be anything, right. That could be any highly emotionally charged experience where you know we were not okay in the moment and so, in order to protect ourselves, we put that part of ourselves aside and we keep moving forward, and so we're really walking around with a collection of parts of us that are not okay. Right, and I've learned that we can heal those parts of us right, and there are Modalities out there that can support us in finding those parts of us, healing them, like you said, soothing them right and Making those parts of us feel better and then integrating them into our life. And the question that I had when I learned this to my mentor was Are those parts of us also manifesting? In other words, like if you have a six-year-old, you know part of you that's not okay, because your mother, you know, said something about like you shouldn't have eaten that sleeping cookies and you felt really bad about yourself. You know, and you know you kind of forgot about it that girl is still there and she feels shameful about food and that could be triggered, you know when, when you like, become an adult. But if, if that girl is a part of you, right, that six-year-old is she also manifesting, you know, like, is she creating situations to happen, just like the adult version of you is creating situations to happen? And the answer was yes, and and, and the reason why is because she's calling out for love, right, and that correlates to exactly what you were saying, because when you ate the rice pudding and you call your coach and you're feeling bad about yourself and your coach has, so what did you enjoy it?

Mark: 51:20

Yeah, and what I hear you saying when you're telling that story is there's a part of you that didn't feel okay with your actions. You know, and and there was shame and it was built guilt and there was blame associated and and that girl inside of you, that part of you, just wanted somebody to come in and soothe her, make her feel okay, make her feel loved and make her feel the opposite of those things. And then you did that, you provided that relief for her and then she doesn't have to continue Manifesting situations where she's raiding the refrigerator, eating other people's food because she doesn't eat the food. She needs to feel loved, she needs to feel okay about who she is. So it's almost like I hear in that story that we have parts of ourselves that manifest situations Right just to feel loved. But the byproducts of some of those situations, in terms of, like, raiding the the fridge, are waking right because we're just doing these things and we're doing it all the time, over and over and over again.

Rhonda: 52:20

So I need to get a tissue. I feel like I'm gonna cry, mark.

Mark: 52:28

Yeah, and so I think, at the end, what I hear you saying is that it takes away food as a weapon against yourself. Right and and Because? Because you're soothing yourself, you're making yourself feel good about yourself, and now you don't need, you know food as a tool or a weapon. Now it's just there, you know, and you can enjoy it when you want to enjoy it, and there's more than one way For ourselves to soothe ourselves.

Rhonda: 52:54

So yeah that when you said that my coach, you know, sooth me and then gave me that unconditional love, gave me that love that I, that that little girl, really wanted, that was yeah. That was like, oh my gosh, that really hit an earth. Yeah, you're absolutely right.

Mark: 53:10

Yeah. Well, I hope that that's helpful to a lot of people. I'll give Aggress an opportunity to close us out here and I just wanted to say that I really appreciated your time and for sharing your, your knowledge and your wisdom and your open heart with us, because it's been a great conversation.

Rhonda: 53:28

Thank you, mark my honor to be here.

Agris: 53:32

Yeah, I can finish up. We, just Both of you, I agree, and I think I even say that whatever we eat, we shouldn't eat with any guilt. Or if we even say to ice cream that actually it's good for me, it's going to be good for you. Or if we are going to eat and say it's bad for me, it's going to be bad for me. Everything is just how you perceive whatever you eat, and most of the times actually, as Mark said, it's we've been conditioned in the past that oh, don't eat too much ice cream because it's going to be bad for you, or don't eat too much cookies because it's going to be bad for you. And you already went eating ice cream and maybe it's just one scoop, right, who knows, not too much, but you already thinking it's not good for me, and it just turns out just, it goes, I would say, in wrong emotion and wrong proportion. You know, it's just how it is and it's just the feeling. Again we came back to that feeling how we eat.

Rhonda: 54:39

Yeah. And that's a very rational thing to say and it makes total sense. And a lot of us women I work with you know it takes us a little while to get to that place. That makes sense because you know addiction doesn't make any sense. A lot of times it's not logical. But yes, this is the place that you want to get to, absolutely.

Agris: 55:06

Yeah, and I've been in many times as well. I have this, sometimes eating ice cream. I think it's bad for me. I have like I think it's not only for women, it's for everyone. It's just really, you know, like making myself guilty of eating something tasty and beating up, even after you know, staying in that and you think like, as you said, wait, did you even enjoy it? Or it's what was the point.

Rhonda: 55:37

I know.

Mark: 55:40

It's amazing, well, you know, and it kind of ties into like how we started off the conversation, about how, you know, I was a professional at like finding the bad in all situations, because maybe there was a part of me that was hoping that if I complained about something loud enough, that somebody would come in and make the situation better. And when it comes to feeling bad about the food that we eat, I would say, well, like, maybe if I complain enough about like the bad and I'm doing air quotes if anyone's listening and not watching this video but if something's bad for us, maybe if I keep saying that that I'll convince myself to stop eating the ice cream. But we all know that I never stop eating the ice cream, but I just eat the ice cream and feel bad about it. You know what I mean. So, and you're right, it's all about perspective and it's about the way that we look at what we're doing. Not necessarily what we're doing kind of takes me back. We'll put to a story.

Mark: 56:35

I remember my sister, my sister-in-law. She was dating this guy for a while and he was like in really good shape. You know, he was just somebody that really had great physique and he was in really good shape and he came over one night and we all had dinner. And then after dinner he's like do you have any ice cream?

Mark: 56:52

It was the last person that I expected to ask for ice cream because you just associate someone that it's in really good shape, but then like a non-ice cream eater. So he's like, do you have any ice cream? And I'm like I think I do. And he's like, oh yeah, I don't go a night without eating ice cream. I love my ice cream. It's like the best part of my day. And I was just like, wow, I was like, and it kind of like really got me thinking like you know, if you're going to eat it, at least enjoy it. And also there are people that eat ice cream and it doesn't work out so badly for them. So maybe we could just relax about it and just enjoy it. So yeah, anyhow, I know everybody's in a different place, but I think the moral of the story and like that sort of the what, what do we like to say? Agres the recap what do I, what do?

Agris: 57:40

I know Like I want to add additional piece to it, because this whole conversation, because I've worked with them for for more than 16 years, with the, with the models and agent for the modeling and you know this is the big part in the modeling industry and used to be even bigger than these days you know that you have to be in certain shape or whatever. You know, and it was really paradox. You know, every time girl, girl comes and complains that I'm too big and I'm doing everything just to lose, she, she couldn't lose it, she just gained even more. Because she was all the time thinking I'm too big. I'm too big, I'm too big Just affecting.

Agris: 58:27

And it's like attraction, love of love of traction. You attract becoming bigger. And then it happened that girl is too thin, she's like, oh, too skinny, I'm too skinny, eat everything and I'm still getting even less and less weight. I was like, yes, because, because you are all the time thinking you are too skinny and you become too skinny. It's so funny how it works, because it's just, it's interesting. And sometimes, yes, you would be surprised that, like you said, the person is like super, like skinny, or shape, super in, like muscle shape, and actually you will be surprised they eat the most because they actually don't have any guilt for eating. And it's about your belief system.

Agris: 59:13

Yeah, it's just how you feel about eating. You can eat one carrot and think that that carrot is big Carrot is bad for you and it's going to do bad things to you. So it's that's how it works.

Mark: 59:25

Yeah, exactly yeah right, yeah, and and I'm so glad that you know that you spent this hour with us and I know we went a little over because I think that you really put such a great spin on it.

Mark: 59:38

And when I wanted to push the weight loss topic, you know you're like, ok, but the most important piece is not losing weight, it's it's about people feeling good about who they are.

Mark: 59:49

It's about people feeling good about the way that they look, if, even if they're too skinny or if they're overweight or whatever you know shape they are, the most important thing is that they feel good about who they are and what they look like and they're. And that's like the missing piece. Like you know, it's not about the scale, it's not about the numbers, not about the calories, it's not about the kinds of foods that you're eating. It's about how good you feel about it in the process, and that's just, it's so important. So thank you for bringing that, you know, into the conversation, because that's all we're looking for is relief, right, like, at the end of the day, everything that we do, we do because we think in doing that we're going to feel better, right, right, and you know, and what you're saying is, there's more than one way to feel better about something, right, yeah, and so if you make feeling good about where you are the priority, then everything's going to work out for you with ease and grace.

Rhonda: 1:00:43

Yeah, just wanted to add that it's a journey, and if there's somebody out there listening to this that feels like, yeah, well, that seems so far away that I would feel good about my body, that just seems like impossible right now. Just know that it starts with practicing feeling good about something else. You don't have to focus on your body, you can focus on feeling good about something else and you're raising your vibrational frequency that way, and then eventually, eventually, eventually, you can start to maybe find something that you appreciate about your body, something you appreciate about food, you know.

Mark: 1:01:17

So it's a journey, it's an unfolding yeah Well, thank you for raising our vibrational frequency, because this has been an amazing hour, and so tell us real quick where people can find you if they wanted to work with you personally or read your book and learn more about the work that you do.

Rhonda: 1:01:34

Sure, thank you so much. Yes, well, I have a podcast and you can go to deliciousalignmentcom slash podcast. It's high-vibing conversations. And then I also have a free gift for anyone interested in learning more about loving your body. It's about 40 short videos and it's at deliciousalignmentcom slash free course.

Mark: 1:02:02

Excellent, and we'll put that all in the description when we post this on social media and YouTube and all that fun stuff. So thank you again for being with us.

Rhonda: 1:02:11

Thank you so much.

Agris: 1:02:13

Thank you.

Speaker 1: 1:02:17

Thank you for tuning into. This Is Source. We hope that this conversation has sparked something within you and that you feel inspired to continue exploring your own journey of self-discovery. Remember, you are the source of your own transformation and the possibilities for growth and expansion are infinite. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with your friends and family, and don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode. Until next time, keep shining your light and living your truth.